Friday, April 30, 2010
Now I really do have something to say. This weekend is FULL of activity. I mean really packed. Dinner tonight with family. Savanah Karate Tournament practice. The play, shuffling Billy to and from after parties. Tomorrow Karate tournament. Then the play all over again. Dinner with family on Sunday for my mom-in-law's b-day. Just Go Go Go.
I was feeling a little sorry for myself (especially with the cold) longing for a quiet empty weekend. Those are great....but
Then I remembered a time about 12 years ago. I was a single parent struggling financially in a brand new town with no friends. I had family that tried to keep me close but I needed to find my own way. They were busy with their own families too.
So Many if not most weekends, it was just me and my Billy. We didn't have extra money so anything that cost money was out of the question. We did have each other. We found fun things to do. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything in the world. But oh how I longed for a complete family. I would often notice families. Mom, Dad, siblings wherever we went. Riding in cars with places to go, people to see. I was very lonely with nowhere to go.
I longed for a partner to share my child's accomplishments and help me carry this burden. God was there for me as I trudged this road seemingly alone. But I longed for a human's care.
I realized today that what I was longing for I now have. I love my husband with all my heart and we face all of life's hardships together. And although this is a busy life I am so completely grateful to have this family of mine. I cherish these times. The kids will be grown someday and then I can have lazy weekends again.
Then without a doubt I will long for these days again.
I got nothing today. Feeling sick with a wicked cold and a tummy ache! Up a lot last night.
I do have a quick organization tip for today. On Fridays I almost always clean out my purse, my wallet and my car. It takes a total of fifteen minutes because I do this almost every Friday.
When I say I clean out my car I am not talking detailed cleaning, no vacuuming. I mean just get out all the junk that has accumulated over the week.
Like office day...if you do this every week it will only take minutes.
Alrighty, going back to bed! Need to feel better by tonight or at least tolerable. The last two nights of Billy's play are today and tomorrow.
Just a reminder, Play time is 7:30 in the Zabee theater. $6 for adults, $4 for students and seniors.
Hey also, when you are sick take care of yourself. Listen to what your body needs. I am!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I found out my key to happiness is not creating grand expectations in my mind, instead flowing and living in the moment. Also feeling accomplishment in everyday tasks. (Yeah well I also take antidepressants. I have suffered with genetic depression in the past.) Also the realization that I am not going to be happy all the time nor should I strive for that. Shit happens and it is okay to feel bad......sometimes.....for a good reason.
All of this here was to tell you....... I went to a bookstore the other day. The self help section was calling me to it. When I got there...I determined I don't need anymore help!!
What a relief!!
So I bought a romance novel instead. I am not implying here that I need help with romance!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
My favorite rock doesn't look like much from the outside. (Please do notice my bowl of oatmeal)
In fact it is quite dull. It looks like nothing special. This rock sits on my desk. The beauty of this rock has to be found on the inside.
oooohhhhh aaaaaahhhhhhhh. This is really a beautiful rock. Too bad my photography skills can't show it off. But you get the idea.
A great reminder to look on the inside of others to find their true beauty.
It also reminds me to take a second look at every situation. Pick up a situation in your hands, feel it, turn it around. Look at it from every angle. If you still can't find the answer, crack it open! Look at things from a new perspective and you may find the unexpected sparkle.
Ode to the Geode,
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
My hubby is dieting too. Looking at all the labels of everything, fat content, calories. Watching our portions. We have both noticed that we are starving ALL of the time. It seems like I can't get full! I am thinking of food all the time.
Apparently even in my sleep.
I go to bed fairly early 9:30 or 10:00. While hubby is a night owl and comes to bed about an hour or more after me. Many times when he comes to bed I talk to him in my sleep. just mumbling. Usually he can't understand what I am saying.
Last night when he came to bed clear as day with a big grin on my face I said, "I'm gonna eat you!" I suppose I was dreaming about a huge block of cheese as that is my favorite food ever.
ggrrrrr (that is my tummy growling)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
First and foremost, Billy's play.....Opening Night is tonight! I am so excited and nervous for Billy. He is the second one on the stage! WoW! That's all I have to say!
Savanah's playset is being delivered and set up today. She has no idea! Well she knows we bought it but doesn't know today is the day. It should be just about finished when she gets off the bus! I can't wait to see her face!
Answer to yesterday's trivia : "My low self esteem is at an all time high." That quote is from Transformers 2. I really like that movie!
Good Times for sure.
Holding my breath for Billy,
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The low self esteem stems from weight gain, gray hair, a connective tissue flare and my nose! Allow me to explain.
This January I had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my nose. Now as far as cancer goes this is the one to have without a doubt. It doesn't spread to other parts of the body. So I truly am grateful for that. However, because it became infected it left an ugly scar. (it is probably much worse in my mind than reality.) I am not extremely vain but for awhile now I have felt like everyone is staring at my nose.
The infection lead to a Connective Tissue Disease flare. Basically when my immune system kicked into high gear to fight the nose infection my body started attacking itself. This caused major joint pain, a nasty rash and over all fatigue. This lasted for about 2 months. Dark days! I really had to fight depression.
Also related to the flare I suddenly got an infection around the lining of my heart, pericarditis. Generally this is not dangerous just painful. Also causing more fatigue.
So finally about mid March things really turned around physically. My energy came back, limited joint pain. yay!
Then I looked in the mirror I had gray hair from my roots about 3 inches long. Yikes I look like a grandma with a jacked up nose. I have gained quite a bit of weight over the last two years. So Now I am a chubby grandma with a jacked up nose.
So over the last few weeks I have been exercising. My energy has increased even further. Not seeing the weight loss yet but I feel great and am headed in the right direction.
Yesterday I decided to do something about the hair. I'll be turning 39 this year so it is now or never on the dramatic hair. I didn't want it to look "natural" I wanted it to look funky. What better way to get people to stop staring at my nose. They will be staring at my hair!
So I got stripes!
Now this is pretty dramatic for me. It looks more dramatic than the picture really shows. I like it a lot! Just the pick me up I needed.
Now.... "my low self esteem is at an all time high." Trivia, what movie is that quote from?
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles). I had to go get new tabs on my car the other day. Walking in you first notice the building is at least 75 years old. It smells old and musty! The old brick walls are painted light pink! There are maybe 8 people who work here. Nice as could be people. The counter is only big enough to help 4 people at a time. And this is the busiest I have ever seen it here!!
As I listened to their conversation I soon realized these three polite dirty good ole boys were farmers. And better yet they all knew each other. This is priceless I thought as I quietly grabbed my cell phone to take a picture!
I have spent grueling hours waiting at the DMV in the big city near me and in LA, California. But honest to God this was the best people watching ever. I was a little sad when the moment was over. I was helped and out the door within 5 minutes.
I am a lucky lady to live amongst these people!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
I have read in several books and articles that children at the age of six act on their impulses without the aid of a conscience. They are guided by consequence and expectations instead of their own sense of responsibility. In fact in most courts of law children under the age of seven are rarely prosecuted or held responsible for their actions even in the most extreme crimes.
The fear of getting caught is a strong deterrent versus a true understanding of right and wrong.
For some reason at the age of seven the light bulb goes on and children gain empathy and understanding.
I am proud and very pleased to say that this change has suddenly occurred with my seven year old.
Last night I was cuddling with her as I put her to bed. She says, "Did you ever do something...(pause)....then wish you hadn't?" I answered, "Yes I have. Everyone has made mistakes." She asked, "But what is that feeling you have?" I said, "Regret". She paused a few moments as we cuddled.
She asked me what I regretted. I told her when I get too angry and say something that may hurt someone else's feelings, I regret that. When I raise my voice at her, I regret that. I gave her a few other examples. She nodded her head in agreement understanding what I was saying.
Then she looked me in the eye and softly she said, "You know the small shovel you use to plant things?" I said , "Yes".
She said, "I was trying to dig up a rock and I bent it. Then I tried to bend it back but couldn't. I'm sorry."
I accepted her apology immediately. Thanked her for telling me. Then breathed a big sigh of relief. She has it. It reinforces my confidence in our parenting.
I am so proud of her.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
I have decided to try a new thing on my blog, called "Tip of the Week". Now I can't get credit for a lot of tips I may give because they originated from an other's ingenuity. Although some of them are my brilliance. ;) My husband often says "Huh? What made you think of doing that?" He had this idea for my blog. He said something along the lines of "Other people might like to know this stuff." So Okay here goes.
"Tip of the Week"
Every spring I find that the pants my daughter has been wearing all school year are now too short or are looking a little ragged, holes in the knees or stains. The ones that are too tight around the waist go to Goodwill or the garage sale pile.
But the ones that are too short I cut into capris or shorts. Without a sewing machine I stitch in a little hem to keep them from fraying. They look cute and it cuts down on the cost of summer clothes.
If they just have holes in the knees, I might patch them with sewn on upholstery samples (awesome patches, don't come off, don't wear out). My sister Brenda showed my how to do this.
If they are also stained I may cut them to make play shorts for summer. See my daughter spends 95% of the summer dirty, muddy, grass stained and wet! With these already stained clothes I don't get upset with her.
I keep maybe five new cute summer outfits clean and tucked away for the needed occasion. But the rest are play clothes that she should get as dirty as she can!! And she does.
If you want to know more about my need for patches or how this upholstery patches idea came about read the following previous posts.
And An Incredibly Great Idea
Recycling and Reusing is great fun!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
At Christmas she was given a small child video camera. She recently took this camera out to explore nature. She was disappointed at how difficult it was to video tape Canadian geese. Later that day she triumphantly told me it was much easier to video tape earthworms.
Savanah has always liked earthworms since she was a toddler. She has a cool albeit strange empathy for their plight when they are stuck on pavement and beginning to dry out. She cannot leave one there to shrivel up. So she saves them. Many mornings on the way to the bus stop she is grabbing as many as fast as she can and throwing them in the grass.
So suddenly today on my walk I noticed all of these poor helpless stupid earthworms. I mean if you need moisture why would you slither onto a dry sidewalk? Then me heart strings were pulled and God help me I started picking them up! My walk is a fast paced two mile walk! I thought well I just won't look down. But looking straight ahead made me think of them being smashed on the bottom of my shoe. I saved several earthworms and then just started dodging them.
Watch out this affliction apparently is contagious.
Wishing my brother, Scotty, a very Happy Birthday. This day is my day to say, I am thankful you were born and I celebrate that day as I celebrate you!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Okay so remember that beautiful post a mere hour ago about the beauty of THIS day.
Yeah well it's GONE. SO Gone. That peaceful easy feeling about the promise of the day was a bunch of BS!!!!!
After perusing my house I was pleased with the amount of housework there was to do. Not bad certainly do-able. Even the dirty clothes pile looked manageable. Then I checked my son's room (gasp), then I checked my daughter's room (gasp) and lastly my husband's side of the bed (gasp).
And this is the pile of crap, I mean dirty clothes that I found. They all know there is a place for dirty clothes and towels. Yet I found NINE towels on my son's floor!!!!! They are all damn lucky they are not home and that by the time everyone gets home my raging boiling anger will have simmered.
Actually with all of this said, I still feel pretty good about the day just not good about the laundry.
So this is what I mean about my system of organization not being perfect. However, the laundry machines are going and I know I can handle one load at a time to get the job done.
Taking deep breaths, Going for a walk.
Woke up to NO PAIN. aaaahhhh
The bus just left. aaaahhhh
Eating warm cozy maple oatmeal. aaaahhhh
Don't have anywhere to go until 6:00 tonight. aaaahhhh
Lots to do at home today....Have a plan. yay!
Savanah graduates to blue belt today. yay!
Parenthood is on tonight. yay!
Glee is on tonight. yay!
American Idol is on tonight. yay!
OH Yeah Bay-by! Bouncing in my chair as I write. Big smiles.
All lite up,
Monday, April 12, 2010
Dummy me could have just gotten up and written it all down. Then I probably would have been able to go back to sleep knowing that I wouldn't forget something tomorrow. Because I caught all these thoughts and got them out of my head and onto paper.
Nope not me. I struggled through 2 hours of this. Then just as I was drifting off to sleep. I hear Mommy. Did I really hear Mommy maybe I'm already dreaming. uh oh Mommy again. By the third Mommy I drug myself out of bed to attend to a sore legged little girl. Took care of that. Went back to bed to find......
Oh no the list started over again. another hour of sleep wasted.
So I am dragging through my day just counting the hours til bedtime tonight.
Maybe, just maybe I can squeeze an itty bitty nap in here today. That would be lovely.
Here's to dreamin.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
The Pama part of the word is my grandmother, the wittiest quintessential lady I know.
And officially an "ism" is a distinctive characteristic, behavior or quality.
So a Pamaism will be wonderfully nutty witty quotes from my Pama. Although she has lost much of her short term memory due to small strokes, she is the happiest person I know. Her sense of humor and wit is fully intact. Thankfully she doesn't seem to have the most common form of Alzheimer's. She remembers everyone although gets confused about them. I could visit with her for hours. Then 10 minutes from the time I left someone could ask if she has seen me lately and she would say no.
Most of the time she realizes that she has this affliction and makes light of it. The greatest part of all this is that she is the epitome of "Living in the moment." She enjoys every moment to moment and forgets the moment shortly after it happened.
Don't get me wrong there are definitely sad parts to this story like when she kept forgetting her daughter (my mother) had passed away and kept trying to go see her. A very emotional time when we had to keep telling her over and over, the how and the why. And each time it was as if she was hearing it for the first time. Thankfully it somehow sunk in and she asks about it rarely now.
I aspire to be like my grandmother in many ways. And like her I will choose to focus on the positive in this situation. And hopefully I will follow her example.
So my Pamaism for today is this:
My sister was visiting her and asked Pama if she would like to go see the birds in the aviary. Pama said well I don't have lipstick on. Vivian said, that doesn't matter. Pama said, "Well the birds won't recognize me." as she chuckled.
All my love to you Pama,
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Because of the joyous activities outside this is going to be short and sweet. I will fall back on my reliable book of quotes. Enjoy
"English is a funny language. A "fat chance" and a "slim chance" mean the same thing." -unknown
"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."--A. A. Milne
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin
My most recently acquired quote and new weekly favorite:
"When the going gets tough.........Tell me I'm pretty." -unknown
"When your gecko is broken, you have reptile dysfunction."- unknown
With that I leave you to go enjoy your evening.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Warning I am quite certain this post is going off the deep end and I am just along for the ride. Hold on for dear life.
Today I will go visit my nutty Pama (grandmother). I'll enjoy her lack of short term memory. Don't get me wrong I love her dearly. Which is why I make a game of it. I will count how many times she asks me how old my children are and if I have a picture of them (even though I showed her a picture of them 4 minutes ago). For every time these questions are asked I will take a sip of wine tonight. Man I am going to be hammered!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
It started with a dream, a cool but kind of sad dream. Very vivid, Avatar like except much of the land was pastel colors. Savanah was still my daughter but I was a single parent. Jeff and I had been dating in my dream but we had broken up. Savanah wanted to see him so bad so we went to watch him compete in a seahorse race. The seahorses were huge, pastel colored and didn't swim they flew. Crazy Cool! Much more to the story but that is the gist. I remember most of it too.
Flash forward to alarm time. Today I just barely dragged my butt out of bed. I was crazy tired this morning.
Then Billy is all blah...girl troubles. I have been trying unsuccessfully to cheer him up. As a parent you know you have to watch your kids go through these ups and downs. I am proud of how he handles life but I still worry.
Then I get Savanah up. She is less than thrilled. My daughter takes after her father, a night owl. A night person. I am usually a morning person. The morning holds the promise of the day for me. Well again Savanah is quite the opposite.
Then you know those beautiful patches my sister (I helped) sewed on her holey pants. Well Savanah HATES the way they feel on her pants. She cried this morning real tears all the way to the bus stop. I know if she wears them today they will not bother her. She will get used to them. In fact I bet $20 bucks by the end of the day she may actually like them. She just can hardly stand change.
Oh I just HATE sending my child to the bus stop when she is feeling that way. So I did what any respectable mother would do. I ran out to the bus stop with my bowl of Maple Brown sugar oatmeal with extra brown sugar melted on top. Her tears had already stopped but she still looked a little forlorn. So I gave her the best most sugary bite from my bowl!
I don't know.......is this soothing with food and sweets? Am I setting her up to turn to food whenever she is upset? Well No because this doesn't happen every time she gets upset in fact I am not sure it has ever happened.
And Hey A little extra sweetness can turn anyone's day around. I gave her another hug and kiss and in return I got a little smile. She even chuckled when I grimaced as she transferred some oatmeal from her face to mine! ewwee
Here's to turning my day around!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
They have everything from empty toilet paper rolls, empty old medicine bottles, floor tiles, old upholstery sample books, carbon paper, tubs full of different puzzle pieces and.........broken egg shells! This one even shocked me.
Then they have a table full of finished craft projects showing you exactly what you can do with all of these things. Savanah's creative juices started flowing BIG time.
When you walk in you get a normal size grocery bag and can fill it for $4 to $7. When you check out they weigh your bag. They get grants to supplement the store by showing how much weight has been kept out of a landfill.
I found a great treasure!!! Upholstery books with cute thick material for patches on Savanah's pants!!!! Yay! This place is full of great ideas for scrapbooking.
The neat thing about this store is that teachers shop for free! This is one of the best ideas I have heard of in a long time.
I will post pictures of my treasure and what I have done with them.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
So I will bestow upon you some of my favorite quotes. Think on them. Drink them in. And laugh a little. or a lot.
"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh." -unknown
"I could have eaten Alphabits and crapped a better excuse than that." -unknown
"I saw a TV commercial that said, "KISS YOUR HEMORRHOIDS GOODBYE" -NOT EVEN IF I COULD!" -unknown
"I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar!!" -unknown
Enjoy these little gems as I have.
Happy Easter Eve
Friday, April 2, 2010
In fact when she was 4 years old I was a little concerned. While driving in the car I heard her having a four person conversation. I was curious about this because I had forgotten to bring any toys with us. I looked back to see her playing with her fingers. Four of her fingers had different personalities and different voices. There was an elaborate conversation happening between them. In fact a conflict and argument. The most amazing part was they all had names and she was keeping track of them all.
About this time she had her 4 year check up. I asked her doctor about this. I even asked if I should be concerned. "Could a child have too much imagination?" "I mean are we talking split personalities?" He laughed at/with me. He said as long as she wasn't answering me with different voices we were okay. As long as her conversations with me were set in reality it was okay. In fact it was great!
I wondered then if maybe she would be an actress some day. Through the years this role play has continued. It has changed in that now it all revolves around animals. Her desire for knowledge about animals is insatiable. Any book or Discovery channel show she sees she sucks it in like a sponge. Without a doubt she has found her passion in animals. The Zoo is one of her favorite places.
Wow lots of information about "Patches". Believe it or not this post was supposed to be about patches for pants. Pretending to be an animal has caused holes in the right knee of all of my child's pants. I mean all of them. They all still fit but are holey. So my child looks like a vagabond because I refuse to buy new pants if these still fit. I have looked at craft stores for patches but they are all old fashioned and ugly. If you iron them on they stay on through maybe two washes.
I don't want to stop this creative play but Shoot I am not made of money to buy new pants every week.
So my dear very creative sister, Brenda, I take this dilemma to you. I am sure you will have a fantastic solution. Pressures on now.
Help my imaginative child and my wallet.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
I have some big I mean BIG gardening plans this spring. The work will start in April with planting occurring in mid to late May. A real Garden. I am nervous but excited. I'm gonna rip up some of my perfectly good yard. yikes. My plans will be revealed next week but it involves geometric shapes and power tools.
Be afraid neighbors. Be very afraid.
Gotta go feel the day!!