Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Without Exception

So without any exceptions...THIS WEATHER SUCKS.

It feels like forever until we will see 70 degrees again. Yesterday was nice but oh man.

It could be worse a large portion of the country has seen quite a few dangerous spring storms. Parts of Wisconsin had 8 inches of snow this past week So, I'll shut it and count my blessings.

So I will use this rainy yucky day to get caught up on chores from last weeks spring break shenanigans. Now to find my motivation. Revving my engines. Emergency break off. Seat belt on. Coffee loaded. Music turned up. Windshield wipers wiping.

Mark, get set, go

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Happiness # 7 - Remove the Word Perfect

Happiness Ingredient # 7

Remove the word Perfect from my dictionary.

I just can't stress this enough.

Perfection has the ability to ruin my day and everyday if I let it. Some examples:

When we were selling our house I was a perfection monster. I tortured my family and myself. Now this was short lived and somewhat necessary. We needed to move and we needed the house to sell....and fast.

But every time we got the call for a showing I went on a flippin tantrum induced psychotic outburst.

The problem really started when we moved into our new house. I still required that perfection. Since this was a brand new home I expected it to always look like a model home. I felt like a failure when it didn't.

Now I still easily can slide down this slippery slope back into this neurosis.

Something I strive to remember....Perfection is not only ugly. In fact I would go as far as to say "Imperfection is Beautiful". You can quote me on that.

I lived in a new home outside of Dallas, TX as a child. This neighborhood created great memories for me (catching frogs, gaining some independence with my bike all summer long). But perhaps my favorite thing about the neighborhood was an imperfection within our house. The sliding glass door had an oil spot in the glass. I assume it occurred on an assembly line. Probably oil dripped from some machinery. Someone quality checking the product must have missed this imperfection. To me it was the most beautiful thing in the world. When the sun would shine on that glass door it created the most beautiful rainbow on the floor.

No one in my family ever mentioned the imperfection but I found out later that my mother also loved that door. To me it was my special little rainbow.

I have 12 beautiful drinking glasses. (they were an anniversary gift last year) They should all be exactly the same but they are not. One of my kitchen glasses has a strange, wonderful, beautiful imperfection. It is hard to explain what it looks like. Almost like a small strip in the glass is blurry like a prism. It is my favorite. Every time I pull a water glass out of the cabinet I look to see if it is my special glass. On the lucky days that it is.....well, I smile just a little brighter that day! It's hard to explain I'm not sure I can.

A perfect plank of mahogany would not be as beautiful without the knot. A perfectly sunny day would not spark the imagination of a child making shapes out of the clouds.

A few times when my children were little I would hear people tell them, "That is perfect." It could have been a story they created or a drawing. Or maybe the clothes they were wearing. Whatever it was, I would privately speak to that person and ask them not to say perfect to my children. I would give them suggestions like, "Wow that is great. I can tell you worked hard on that." or simply "nice job".

I never said it to them. I don't want them to feel like they have to live up to perfection. I have always told them just do your best. People may still say that to them but now I feel they are equipped to understand. Young children take everything so literally.

I have had to learn to train myself to stop requiring perfection.It is an ongoing work of art.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

KID News

About the snow I am only going to say one word......Blech.

I have successfully recaptured the cat. Soon we will be taking him in to the vet/shelter. Savanah said a tearful goodbye this morning. But I sensed a little relief in her voice. I think she has been worrying about the well being of this cat and now she knows he will be well taken care of. I am so proud of her. She took great care of the cat. She understands the need to get him to a good home. And she understands why that home cannot be ours. She has finally graciously excepted it.

She has a huge capacity to nurture and love.

Exciting news, Billy made it on to the Elk River Competitive Cheer team. I just think Billy is so neat. He looks all emotional DRAMA. He looks dark and dreary. But he is so upbeat and comfortable in his skin.

One of his teachers has nominated him to be a LINK leader. They go through training to help the new freshman next year. I like that they see him as a leader. He is a leader and certainly not a follower.

Also very exciting...BILLY IS PASSING CHINESE! Yay! This has been the hardest class for him. He has an awful time with the written language. The characters and such.

Billy want to join this club called "Yellow Ribbon". According to him they deal with teen issues and emotions. They also help raise awareness to Teen suicide prevention. I also like that he wants to be involved. He has had to deal with suicidal threats and talk from friends and a girlfriend. He handled himself with caution and care. he really cares about people and values life. One of the guidance counselors runs this club.

Last but not least important.....Billy starts Driver's Ed on may 2nd. Lord help us all!!

I love my kids and I like them too.....most of the time.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Okay Everyone and their brother is complaining so I am going to join the crowd. You know the old saying, "If your friends jumped off a cliff would you too?" At this point with this weather. well....Yes, yes I would!

This weather SUCKS!!! I am going to close my blinds for the next 24 to 36 hours. Light some pina colada candles, turn up the Bob Marley, turn up my thermostat to 75 and drink some rum!

These are my suggestions to you as well. There is nothing I can say or do to make the approaching snow tolerable!! So I plan to bury my head in the sand! Or you could just bury your toes in the sand while dreaming of a sandy beach, humid sunshine and gentle ocean breezes! A frothy drink with little umbrella. Oh yeah that too.

Is 10:30 am too early for that??

Monday, April 18, 2011

Let the Heart Ache Commence

Oh my sweet animal loving baby girl is about to have her heart broken.

Little stray kitty affectionately named "Kit Cat" is going to be leaving us soon. The little girls of the neighborhood have been caring for him for about 5 days now. And he is the sweetest little guy. So affectionate. I'm gonna miss him terribly but I can't sleep at night knowing the coyotes are out there in the woods he sleeps in. We can't keep him because of allergies. I would keep him if it was possible.

My neighbors vet office is also a shelter. They do not euthanize cats unless they are very ill. They foster them out and then place them through adoption.

So he will go to a good home but Lord help me to help my child get through this heartbreak. She loves this cat so much.

I will use all the appropriate and true words, "He will have a great home. You took such great care of him. You saved him. I am so proud of you. Now he will be safe." all that ya da yada yada. But it won't matter. I'm gonna watch her heart break and it is going to break my heart!

There will be anger, many tears, hugs and kisses too.

This is going to SUCK!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011


Dammit! Yes I cursed!

I am so irritated. I saw something that no one else saw. I saw something I wish I hadn't seen. I saw something that completely shocked me and caught me off guard. I saw something that completely changed my view about a person.

I cannot say what I saw or who did it. (it is not illegal or really really bad) just immoral in my eyes and mean.

I previously respected this person, liked this person. This is a person I have regular contact with. It is not someone I can really avoid. I feel I will not be able to look this person in the eye again.

It leaves me asking the question, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

It makes me question the "good" in people. Or this particular person. And you call yourself a Christian?

It just makes me feel ill.

0 Days to go - NO MORE WINTER 4-15-2011

0 Days to go. Farewell you wicked beast! I have prevailed!

What is this day? What does this day mean?

It is April 15th, 2011
It is a Friday.
It is Tax day.

It is over. Winter is over.

YOU HAVE ARRIVED. Think of the GPS saying this to you.

You have not only survived, you have thrived this winter. Give yourself that well deserved pat on the back.

You didn't kill anyone this winter. It was close for me. I often plotted the demise of the snow plow driver everytime I had to dig out the mailbox.

This does not mean the days going forward will be 80 degrees and sunny. We will still have gloomy, chilly, windy days. This is spring not heaven! In fact today is one of those days. But just look around you. The grass is turning green and things are growing.


And for God's sake I don't want to hear any of you complaining in summer about, "How hot it is!" Before you know it the days will start getting shorter. The leaves will start changing and BAM.... you will see white covering your world again.

And we will be back here in winter counting down the days. Oh the seasons of our lives.

My heart is smiling.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

1 Day to go - Freakin Winter 4-14-2011

1 Day to go

So for my purposes this is the last day of winter.

It is also my brother's birthday. Happy Birthday Scotty. I'm truly blessed that you were born.

Yes I do find it ironic that tomorrow night you may see white stuff falling from the sky. But truly that is normal for spring here in Siberia.

Vivian I am proud of you!!! You did it. You made it! Another Minnesota winter. It's a down hill coast now. Relish in this moment.

My crisis seems to be resolving itself. I am thanking God! Many times over! I do think when we are truly in the "all clear". I will write a post about this struggle in detail.

Another happiness post coming soon. We are almost done with that series too.

Whew, Enjoy the day!

1 Day to go - Freakin Winter 4-14-2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

2 Days to go -Freakin Winter 4-13-2011

2 Days to go

Just hang in there folks the current weather is just a glitch in spring. Just think it gives you those last few days to finish your indoor projects before you will want to be outside every day.

Truthfully it does suck. Just admit that. Say it out loud and then move on!

Short post today gotta go take the dog to the vet this morning.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

3 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-12-2011

3 Days to go!

A beautiful day on tap today. 70 degrees, sunshine. I can't wait!!

However, I find it increasingly ironic that on 4-15-2011 this coming Friday night. The night of the day winter in my textbook is over......we may get (measurable) snow. Oh the pain, the misery, the sorrow.

My secret problem has taken a slight uptick. I am so hopeful and grateful to God! It's funny that I don't feel quite right talking/writing about it here. It's almost as if I'll jinx it if I put it in writing. Please know I appreciate the loving thoughts and prayers.

So go LOVE this day!

Happiness #6 - Engaged In the Moment

Happiness Ingredient #6

Engaged in the moment

This is a significant struggle for me. In fact I just noticed I wrote this happiness ingredient in THE PAST TENSE! Uhhhhhh Duh.

It should be "Engage in the moment!!"

I find myself distracted a lot. It drives my family crazy!! Maybe I have ADHD. Could be. Sometimes I am distracted by my to do list. Sometimes I am distracted by my past. Sometimes I am distracted when the wind blows.

But one thing for sure, I am always distracted.

I hate it! and I vow to improve it. How?

I am not sure yet. But I have some ideas.

1. I think the first step is just trying to be more aware. I want to catch myself in the act of not being engaged. And then stop it. I can do this. In fact I have done this. For example while playing a game with Savanah, I caught myself making a mental list of things I need to remember to do. So I got out my notebook, asked Savanah to wait one second and then I wrote them down. I was able to stop thinking and instead I enjoyed one of these fleeting moments that I have with my child.

2. Remove distractions. For instance when I am on the phone....walk away from the computer. I find while I should be listening I may still be reading something.

3. Turn the TV off! I am so sucked in by the TV. In fact when I am watching TV, you can't distract me from it. I am in a trance.

Well I guess I'll start there.

Let me know if you have any ideas for this!

Monday, April 11, 2011

4 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-11-2011

4 Days My enthusiasm has waned a bit here!

I know we all feel like we may be backsliding. 55 degrees right now. With highs forecasted later this week 49 degrees, 47 degrees and 48 degrees. With even a slight chance of snow Friday And believe me I know it sucks big time. We have that beautiful glorious day that hits 70 and we are all ready to run around in shorts and flip flops.


This is Minnesota and well, unfortunately we just aren't there yet.

But just hang in there. Look at the grass. It's turning GREEN! I see buds on some of the trees.

Really the temps will bounce back. I promise. I just don't know when.

My ugly problem persists. It hasn't escalated. To tell you the truth I'll take stable.

Stable is good for now.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

5 Days to GO - Freakin Winter 4-10-2011

5 Days to GO


Sunday Quotes:

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." -- Victor Hugo

"Death is no more that passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see."
-Helen Keller


Saturday, April 9, 2011

6 Days to Go - Freakin Winter 4-9-2011

Happy Saturday!!! We are almost there!

Saturday Quotes:

"I saw a TV commercial that said, "Kiss your hemorrhoids goodbye." -not even if I could!" -unknown

"I found that in entertaining, as well as in life, It's best to surrender to the natural chaos around you. You'll have so much more fun." -
-Ree Drummond - Pioneer Woman

Have a great Saturday!

Friday, April 8, 2011

SLE Maybe - BS Yes

SLE (lupus) Maybe but for sure it is BS. Bull shit.

So the doctor has said based on blood tests and symptoms...I have some sort of Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. Lupus - Maybe, Rheumatoid Arthritis - maybe, Schleroderma -maybe, sjogrens - maybe. Or maybe a nasty combo of these. So it is yet undetermined. This is old news. I've been dealing with this for 3 years.

Now none of these are particularly terminal, none curable. Mostly managing symptoms and watching for more serious complications. SO YES I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW I need to count my blessings!!!!!

But Bull Shit...This is my post and I'm gonna complain and vent. For my way of life is in jeopardy!!

Yesterday I walked. I diligently put on my prescription strength sunscreen (no more skin cancer for me ya'll) to my face! I wore a hat! I put spf chap stick on my lips. I wore long sleeves and long pants. I was good!! During my walk I pushed up my sleeves as it started getting just a little hot.

After I got home I sat on my deck in the sunshine for 30 minutes with short sleeves. I reapplied sunscreen to my face and lips. Fast forward four hours later. My still white ass arms that match my white ass legs feel like someone is poking me with tiny needles. My lips are stinging and bright red. This lasts all night and continues today. It has subsided substantially but still there.

Now I have a big ass ganglion cyst on my wrist. Okay I am pissed!!! I deal with fatigue and joint pain every day and the occasional "itis" (inflammation) epilglottitis, uvulitis, pleuritis!

But BULL SHIT if I am giving up the sun! and beach vacations! and enjoying the outdoors! and gardening! and swimming! This just sucks!!! Big sucks.

I know I know I know...There are much worse things but really this stinks.

Maybe because I watched MS take everything she loved away from my mother I am freakin adamant that NO NO NO. This affliction will not take anything away from me. This is bull shit and fix it. And that is what I plan to tell my rheumatologist. FIX THIS because I am not going down without a big ass fight. I am not going down quietly! I will jump up and down screaming if I have to.

Okay I feel a little better now.

Thanks for listening.

7 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-8-2011

7 days folks. That is it.

Yesterday I increased my walk once again to about 3.4 miles.

Said problem is still a problem. Working on one possible path to handle it. will let you know. hmmmmm

Here's to hoping!

Cesar Milan's dog Daddy died yesterday. What an incredible dog! I adored him. I never thought a dog could change my mind about pit bulls. But Daddy did. I still wouldn't own one but he changed me. It's really quite sad.

well today I will walk once again.

It has been a wicked long week! I am entirely glad it is Friday. Woo-hoo.

Supposedly there may be thunderstorms this weekend. I would love to see lightening and hear thunder. That is a sure sign spring is here.

Another happiness post next week.

I have tons to do today so without further ado....

Have a Fantastic Weekend!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

8 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-7-2011

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

8) 8 days until My winter is officially over.

What a glorious day yesterday was. I went for my walk and because the sun was shinning and the wind was light I extended my walk from 2 miles to 3 miles.

Oh but yikes that last half mile!!! That was rough. But I did and it felt great!

I went shopping yesterday. I usually hate shopping but yesterday was different. I got a fantastic surprise when I tried on clothes. 2 sizes difference of a surprise! It was a good day!

However, last night things went south with a difficult homework assignment and tears and angry words. I hate that! At that point you kind of just have to say, I'm going to bed! We'll try this all again tomorrow.

Today is supposed to be nice too. So I am going to walk and soak in the day.

Yesterday's mentioned potential problem continues to exist and I'm gonna hold out a couple more days before I completely FREAK OUT!! We are just going to take this one day at a time. After said problem passes I'll explain.

Soak in today's sunshine and a 60+ degree day!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

9 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-6-2011

9 - 9 - 9 - 9 - 9 - 9 - 9

9 Days!!!

This will be really random.
I feel a spring cleaning jag approaching. I feel the need to sweep the porch. Clean off the deck.

I looked at my garden yesterday......MY CHIVES are growing. They are popping up out of the ground. Amazing. beautiful. Green. My beloved green is slowly making a come back. The return of green fills my heart with joy.

I foresee another walk in my future. My vow - My body will be bathing suit ready by June!

I do have a big dark cloud of worry perched upon my shoulder. Nothing I can really speak about. I am hoping by not acknowledging it that this problem will not completely materialize. At this point there is just a hint of this potential hazard. This is like a mental chess game with much at stake. I cannot misstep and make a wrong move. I know for certain I have to tread lightly here and DO NOT panic. I feel like I am in a pressure cooker. The next 3 days are critical to the outcome and within that time I will know exactly what we are dealing with here.

I'm praying in earnest about it. Praying for patience, wisdom and swift resolution.


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

10 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-5-2011

The final count down! This is it folks. We do the BIG countdown. 10 - 9 - 8 - 7.


Yesterday Savanah showed me her hands (palm side up). She asked me, "Do you notice anything different?" I looked and said, "No." She excitedly said, "Mom Look closely....CALLUSES! That means it is almost summer!" Oh the joy of monkey bars on the playground at school.

I see signs of spring all around me now. I see buds just coming up out of the ground. I hear a bazillion birds chirping. The Canadian geese are back. The box elder bugs are gathering in earnest on the sunny side of my house. Never thought I would be happy to see those nasty little creatures but I am.

I am watching the sun rise. It is rising to the left of the neighbors(across the street) house. In winter it rises to the right of their house.

I have a patch of snow in my yard about 12 inches by 7 inches. That is it. That is all the snow in my yard. I smelled dirt on my walk Saturday!!!!

Yesterday was a little dismal. Cold, cloudy, windy. But if I flip it to a positive. The wind dried up my yard! And wow! those beautiful dark gray clouds mixed with bright blue sky. You don't get that fabulous contrast in winter.

Now today, another sunny 50+ degree day. Oh yeah. I am really looking for 70 degrees but hey I'll take what I can get.

Think spring, speak spring, smell spring, hear spring, see spring, feel spring.

Open your heart to spring. It is all around you!

Happiness #5 - Accepting the truth

#5 on my list of ingredients

Accepting the truth

What does this mean? Don't live in fantasy land. You can go to fantasy land in your mind occasionally but don't live there. In fact don't go there for more than a 5 minute break from reality.

For instance once in a blue moon I will buy a Powerball lottery ticket. Inevitably I play the, "What would I do with all that money?" game. I envision the car I would buy for my honey, my vacation villa in the keys, the professionally amazing landscaped retreat that my yard would look like, the addition to my home, the people I could help with unlimited funds. Oh, oh no. See I did it!!!! just trying to explain it!

This is dangerous to my mental health and depression management. These visions first give me a feeling of euphoria but then I am left feeling unhappy about my current situation. When gosh darn it...I am truly blessed!! My current situation is blessed!

Lower your expectations.

Something good (besides Billy) that came out of my first marriage. Funny huh? lowering my expectations is a result of my first marriage? My ex-husband told me this about myself. Listen up...cause you will never hear me say this again.....not ever....he was right. Just joking...kind of.

He told me that I would build up an event or a person, (holiday, date night, birthday, etc) in my mind and picture how perfect it would be, romantic, fun, exciting, etc. Then when it would fall short of the perfection ( oh no, THAT word again) I envisioned I would get sad, mad and disappointed.

He was right. I did that. I would make grandiose plans with grand intentions and if something went awry I would be horrified.

Now when I say, lower your expectations, you have to understand I would set the highest of expectations. My expectations required perfection. I still have expectations of the people in my life. They are realistic. I expect and require that I am treated with respect, honesty and kindness.

However I really don't think about upcoming events anymore, unless I am planning them. But even then I don't really set expectations. I don't daydream about them or spend any time envisioning the outcome. I have found I am almost always thrilled and surprised at how wonderful things turn out.

Do dream a little for the future but live for the now.

Live in reality


Monday, April 4, 2011

11 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-4-2011

11 Days to go.

God was spitting white stuff out of the clouds this morning. The appreciation of each unique beautiful snowflake is completely lost on me now. It looks like spit balls to me now.

However it was a pretty nice weekend. I went for a walk both days.

Now Today....Today is one of "those" days. [insert an exasperated sigh] Or hopefully just one of those mornings. But quite often I have found if you start out the day with "one of those mornings", it will take some concerted effort to save the day. I am up for the challenge.

Just gotta love Mondays.
The day started with a sleepy grouchy teenager. Followed by an equally crabby husband (he is the most NON morning person I know). Culminating to an irate 8 year old who left the house chasing the bus ( okay she didn't exactly chase the bus but it had already left the stop but he saw us so she got picked up in her own driveway) crying the whole way.

On one hand, I HATE sending a child out the door feeling like their world is falling apart. (A missing boot means no playground at recess) On the other hand, I'm like would you just go!!!!!! After the bus pulls away I inevitable feel sad and guilty. I did however, take that moment where I held her adorable cheeks and looked her in the eye, then told her, "You're gonna be okay. I love you" And gave her a big kiss before she stepped on the bus. As an afterthought I hollered, "Have a great day!" So here I sit hoping the day turns around for both of us.

Oh yeah EVERYBODY is going to sleep tonight at 8:30 pm!!


Friday, April 1, 2011

14 Days to go - Freakin Winter 4-1-2011

Happy April Fool's Day! Happy Two Weeks more of winter!!! 7 X 2 = 14

Yes we have been practicing our multiplication in our home. For some reason my strange but adorable dog loves to eat multiplication flash cards. So far she has enjoyed the multiplication facts for 7 and 3. My witty sister said, "She must be hungry for knowledge."

So today Savanah watched all (she has seen parts before) of Les Miserables. She loved it and cried at the end.

Now I am doing some tap dancing around the prostitution part. I have told her all those ladies live on the street and are poor. I tell her they are asking the men for help or food. Now there are two distinct parts where the word "Whore" is used. I am very militant at these parts. I speak very loudly gaining Savanah's attention and I distract her with any means possible. Today I faked a stubbed toe. I hollered and yelled and jumped up and down. I knew acting school would pay off some day!

Thank the Lord she hasn't asked me what whore means and Lord help me when she does. Guess I'll cross that nasty bridge when I come to it.

After she watched the whole thing (very long) she started it over to watch it again. This time she made it through act 1 before she needed to do something else.

I love it! I remember seeing the actual play the first time. As soon as it was over I said, "I'd sit through the whole play again right now if I could change into my jammies first." I had on fancy play clothes that were very uncomfortable.

I love that my children appreciate the theater. We are so fortunate to provide them the opportunity to see many plays.

One of my most wonderful memories of my father is going together to see "Kiss Me Kate" with Robert Goulet at the beautiful outdoor Muny theater in St. Louis. ( I still have the program) It was a beautiful night to sit in an outdoor theater. It was one of those magical nights you always remember. It was also the day I fell in love with Robert Goulet and those crystal blue eyes!

This was around the same time I fell in love with Christopher Plummer from the Sound of Music Movie. It's no wonder my fantastic husband has dark brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. :)

I find this to be quite the random post! Fun but Random.

Hey enjoy the weekend!

Wow I love coincidence (or not);I just looked up The Muny website to see a picture of the beautiful theater again, "Kiss me Kate" is playing this season June 27th - July 3rd.