Traveling

Today Pama's body was buried in her beloved El Paso Texas next to her adoring husband. There is comfort for me in that.

I also found peace with letting her body go. Not by the means most people would think. Like thinking, what would she want? Or, that is just her body. Her soul is already with the Lord. Although those things are true and significant, one thing in particular helped me. I thought of Pama watching from heaven seeing my uncle and I fighting over her body. Angry actually probably very hateful words would have been said. That would make her sad. She loved us dearly and loved her son unconditionally. So with that thought and mostly God's help I am at peace.

I am slowly traveling the path back to the living. It is part of the grieving process. For the last week almost all I could think of was my Pama and my tragedy. Necessity pulls me back to reality. I think to myself, "Now, where was I before my world flipped?" Ah oh yeah. Canceled doctor appointments need to be rescheduled, vet appointment, bills need to be paid, etc. The world will continue to turn without me participating.

Now thoughts of Pama come and go. Sometimes I feel a little guilty as if I am forgetting her. I am not. No one lived life more beautifully than Pama and she would want this for me too.

This will be a dance of course, two steps forward, one step back. I am sure as I clean out her room. I will take one giant leap backwards. But again I will move forward towards living..... with Pama as my inspiration.

I think all of this is God's way of healing the broken heart.

Joyce