I know that this saying implies a biblical theme but this post is not of a biblical nature.
It has everything to do with my personal characteristics. You see I am "high strung". Not to be confused with high maintenance. I am not overly concerned with vanity or material objects. I mean I like to look pretty and I like nice things but..... I am not consumed with them.
I digress.
I am high strung. You see I have an anxious nature. I like children, they can be so darn cute! Funny, sweet, energetic.
However, I have a mental condition which causes me to panic when there are 5 or more children (of any age, teenagers included) in a room, more exaggerated if they are in a room in my house!!
You see...this is how I see it.
When you have two kids in the same room, they are playing nicely, sharing, resolving conflict, enjoying each other's company, etc.
Now add one more to the mix. A total of 3. Still okay. Maybe some power struggles, a little pairing up occurs leaving one child out. By hey it's manageable.
Add another for a total of four. Voices are louder, more kinetic energy, a little more whinny but still possible to control.
Add another with a total of 5 kids, CHAOS REIGNS!
I have seen this in my own home.
Four kids are playing, coloring quietly. It begins. I see the dog sit up suddenly from her peaceful slumber. Her ears are erect. She hears something. I become more alert. The children are still unaware of the lurking danger.
Then a little growl from the dog. She is warning me. Then the dreaded doorbell. I see the children all jump from their seated positions and in a split second become 4 enormous ball of energy and light running towards the door with the barking dog following at as breakneck pace. I run through the kitchen trying to head them off and take care of the mounting problem.
Another child stands eagerly at my door. "Hi, Can Savanah play?" Well I've got four sets of little human eyeballs poking from every direction behind me. I can't say no it is obvious she is already playing.
(Any of you neighbors/parents who may be reading this, please note the following. It is not any one child that I will ever try to exclude. It will rotate on a first come - first serve basis. It is not an issue of who is at the door. It is an issue with how many are already inside.)
I hem and haw trying to come up with something. The light bulb goes off. "You know honey, I was just about to send them outside to play. How about they finish their game, clean up their messes and meet you outside?" This sounds reasonable to me. I hear back a sheepish, "Okay". Then the child (all of them do this) just stands there. This is the true test. Whatever you do don't look them in the eyes at this moment. Oh no I feel bad, so so bad. I failed the test.
And there they are: the cutest sweetest big sad puppy dog eyes just staring at me.
Oh Lordy, I'm a goner. "Okay honey you can come in just for a few minutes, then everybody goes outside." A sweet smile spreads across the child's face.
As that child steps in to my home those happy bright eyes start to glow red. Then I see the most awful frightening transformation occur in all 5 children.
They are transformed or maybe abducted by the body snatchers and replaced with Freddy Kruger Tasmanian Devils. It is what horror movies and my nightmares are made of.
I run towards my bedroom the dog keeping pace at my side. As I dive in and lock the door I hear the evil screeching and laughter just outside my door.
"I'll get you my pretty." I hear.
Huh did they just say pretty? Okay so maybe I am a little vain. Don't fall for that sweetness. They are out to get me. I stay there until my dragon slayer white shinning knight husband returns home to banish the demons!!!! Until tomorrow!
Yeah I told you never let 5 or more children into your home. It makes you delusional and just down right insane!
Joytobe
Okay on a side note: my husband just read this and said "You're a little paranoid." So I want to make it abundantly clear this is a funny rendition not even remotely true except in my imagination! It is fiction mostly! This does not happen in my home. I am not NUTS.
Don't answer the door to the men in white coats!
1 comment:
You are NOT paranoid, you are insightful! I have a standing Friday night date at a friend's house. Just she, her parents, her child and me and mine. The adults play games and share food. The two boys play together lovingly. Sometimes a neighbor boy stops by for part of the time, and still, things are fine. But this week she has invited exactly three other children, which means with hers and mine its the evil number five. She told me in advance because she knows my "rule of five"
We'll be staying home this Friday night. Sigh. The rule of five, you just can't overcome it. ;)
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