Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Most Embarrassing Potty Story EVER

The most embarrassing Potty - not Party Story

Okay so I have finally gotten the courage to tell my 2nd most embarrassing moment. It is only 2nd because well truthfully I am the only one who saw it. So this is a big step to tell you something that no one ever has to know! Just me. The thing is, this is just too funny to not tell.

This did not happen recently. In fact I refuse to tell you when or where. So once upon a vague time in an undisclosed location, If I was working or volunteering I will never tell!! I had helped set up for a special event. The event had not started yet so I took a break. a long break!

I went to the potty with my phone. I did my potty business then decided to sit there and play text twist on my phone. Currently I am on level 150 of text twist. Pretty impressive. However, at this point my game was still in the infantile stages. So I sat enthralled with my new game. When suddenly...........big dramatic scary music......

The Lights Went Out

The lights were on a motion detector. I must have been motionless for too long only my thumbs and mind moving. It was pitch black, like can't see your hand in front of your face dark.

Well as you can guess this is a pretty precarious situation. Because if someone comes in the bathroom and finds me sitting in here in the pitch dark, well....what would you think if you found someone sitting in the dark in a motion detector lighted bathroom! Well I would think several things and NONE of them Good!!

Now the graphic part : I had already done a general cleaning for the reason I was in there in the first place. you know #2. But I was still planning an additional courtesy wipe. Now my phone is my only source of light.

So well first I just start waving my arms frantically hoping to set the motion detector off and get the lights back on. Apparently I am too low in the stall cause it ain't working! So I stand on numb legs ( unbeknownst to me, if you sit on a toilet for too long your legs get numb and tingly) , pants still down and start waving again. Still no go, high stall doors.

I am starting to freak now, claustrophobia setting in, fear of getting caught, caught playing a game mind you!! Sweat beads are forming on my forehead.

Okay so I think use my phone light to finish the wipe. Then get outta here. I go to flip my phone on again for the light and drop it!!!!!! gasp. No not in the toilet, but on the ground, the dirty bathroom floor in the pitch black where I cannot see it! I flounder about still sitting on the toilet but now with my unclothed butt in the air feeling the dirty gross bathroom floor for my phone.

Ahh found it. Now my whole body is sweaty. I use toilet paper and the phone light by dangling the phone over the toilet bowl to make sure my @$& (oops) is clean. Okay all done. I got my pants up, stood up, opened the door.

Then....halleluja...halleluja.....The lights came back on.

I took two steps forward towards the sinks where I was planning to scrub my toilet floor hands like a surgeon, when someone walked in the bathroom. A stranger. I did the unthinkable then in my nervousness to cover up the last 5 minutes, I spoke to that person. Just a quick "hello". See it's a rule at least in the ladies room, don't acknowledge others in the bathroom. She looked at me with glaring confusion.

Gees, that lady looked at me like I was nuts. hmmmm Couldn't help but laugh and think what she would have thought if she made it in there 1 minute sooner.

That is the first and last time I will ever dawdle in a public restroom. Or any restroom for that matter.

Nuff Said,
Joytobe

No comments: