Ever wish a day was over just as it began. Well I usually don't do that in fact I love the morning on most days. I love the thought of having "the whole day" ahead of me.
Well not today. The day started poorly with angry faces, irritated people and unpleasant words. I would like to rewind about 2 hours and start over. Truth be told I would like to rewind about 2 months and somehow change the past, remove a chance meeting. start all over.
I need a break from the issues plaguing me and my family. Again I need to take the moments necessary to regroup and breath. Then I need to count my blessings.
No one said raising kids would be easy but I am just not ready for teenage drama and angst. The pain and uncertainty of young love. Add a dose of dishonesty and manipulation to that recipe and you have disaster. You have a quickly spreading plague in my family.
It reminds me of one close call.
A cold dark winter night I put Billy on the snow bank while I took groceries out of the trunk. "Stay there", I said. Suddenly and for no apparent reason two year old Billy ran out into the street as I dropped the groceries and reached for him wildly. I lunged forward as I heard the oncoming car's wheels screeching as the driver tried to stop the car.
I was moving fast but felt as if I were underwater.
I grabbed him sliding on my knees as the headlights came closer stopping just a mere foot away from us as I attempted to shield his body with my own.
The hysterical tears that came after when the tragedy was averted. The woman driving the car screaming at me for not watching my child better. You see I just turned away for a moment.
I carried Billy to the snowbank where I just laid in the snow holding him, dress clothes and all. For several moments we were both just quietly reflecting. No questions, no scolding. Just tears and a thankful Mom repeating over and over. Thank you God. Thank you God.
This is how I feel now. This time the symbolic car is moving faster and it is not stopping. And I will do anything to avert the tragedy.
Now a mom repeating over and over. Help me God. Help me God.
Joyce
2 comments:
Oh Joyce. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It hurts my heart to hear that you are having to deal with some tough issues. I wish I lived close by so we could vent, scream, and cry over coffee and offer some warm hugs! Just know I am thinking of you, and sending prayers your way.
Sometimes God gives us trials for the very purpose of what you are doing: calling to God to help you. Draw nearere to God and He will draw nearer to you.
Bottom line: You are doing everything right the moment you said "Help me, God".
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