The Secret to a Successful Marriage

Last week while at zoo camp I had some time to write. But it was literally writing in a notebook. A paper notebook. I hate writing on paper. I can get my thoughts out typing much faster than I can with pen and paper. With paper I often lose my train of thought. But anyways I wrote this.

Some people have asked me or commented to me regarding how my husband and I seem so connected and affectionate. And how after 9 years we still look at each other that way. Well here is what I came up with when I tried to get the words out on paper. The short answer is: communication, humor, respect and passion. The long answer is following.

Never let it slide. What does that mean? Well maybe not the right words. Don't let it dull. Hard to explain but......

Think of a time when your love hurt your feelings. You had sharp pain. You were pissed! Angry, Mad, sad. You felt passion. Voices were raised. maybe even a door or two was slammed. Well I think this is healthy. Now that being said, it is terribly unhealthy if physical or mental abuse is happening. Raise your voice but don't use words you'll regret. Never name call, at least not out loud. I have called a few names in my head but will never admit it! Well, I just kind of did admit it but I'll never tell you the word I thought! ;)

See the way I see it is: If you never argue (use the word disagree for a milder term if you must but my husband and I argue) in a relationship...well, then heck somebody is lying! At some point your partner is going to say and do something that pushes your buttons or hurts your feelings. Things are not perfect. The saying, "Too good to be true." applies here.

But listen to your partners point of view. And after an argument apologize for your raised voices. There are times that you will have to agree to disagree. Other times you will HAVE to find a compromise that you can both live with. Don't let your pride get in the way of this. This is marriage which is not always a piece of cake.

More dangerous to me is the neglect of the relationship. When things are allowed to be acceptable. A dull ache. An unhealed wound. Not festering just dormant.

I have seen this in some of my past relationships. We slowly allowed it to just die. I think it all starts with little unresolved misunderstandings, a break down of communication, lack of respect. It all ends with nothing. It's gone. It can happen so quickly. Then you care no more.

Next time you are at a restaurant or bar look around and you'll find that couple. Throughout their time together they hardly achieve eye contact and no words are spoken. It's sad to see.

At first glance this may seem like their normal existence. But for some couples this may be temporary due to stress, anxiety or tragedy. For some this unbelievable coma is constant and chronic. It's like a terminal illness within their marriage. How long have they lived this way? How did this happen?

Now don't get me wrong. There are times in my life with my husband where silence is golden and no words need to be spoken. Even in these times I feel connected to him, content with him and comfortable. But the spark and passion is always there.

It is okay to feel content when your relationship is strong.

But for God's sake speak up when things aren't feeling right!!!! You know! You sense it. and if you ignore it you will end up like "that couple" I spoke of before.

Say, "I feel like we aren't connected. Is something going on? Are you upset with me?" or "Hey I'm upset cause we haven't been talking lately!" or "I feel distant from you. Do you feel it? Why?"

Open this conversation up! Look at it together as a couple. And be relentless in your search for the answer! Your marriage depends on it.

If your spouse tries to delay this conversation, let him. For 24 hours. Maybe he is sorting out his feelings and doesn't know what to say.

After 24 hours don't take no for an answer. This cannot be forgotten. you cannot give up. a line form my favorite movie Apollo 13, "Failure is not an option."

I do feel the need to clear up something here. The second my hubby is irritated I don't schedule a throwdown. nothing, and I mean nothing, pisses a man off more than when he is stressed or tired or worried to have the woman he loves saying, "You don't love me anymore!?!?"

I can tell when just regular stress is causing the problem or if something is wrong with the relationship. We all need our time alone to sort through stuff. make sure you give him his space when he needs it.

So love, honor and cherish each other and your relationship.

Never lose your sense of humor.
Joytobe

No Post Sundays

Enjoy this day!

"In those times I can't seem to find God, I rest in the assurance he knows how to find me."
--Neva Coyle

"Personality can open doors but only character can keep them open." --unknown

Joytobe

No Post Saturday

Have a fantastic weekend.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --Dr Seuss

"If nothing ever changed there wound be no butterflies." -unknown

Update: The last butterfly climbed the great stairway to heaven yesterday. Well it was a long fruit filled life.

Joytobe

Sorry no morning post...I Got a Surprise

Well, I was dreading another lonely day traveling to and from the zoo and spending 4 lonely hours in between with nothing to do.

Instead....My honey surprised me. He stayed home from work and came with me! We had a great time exploring Apple Valley and the surrounding area. We ate lunch together! We bellied up to a bar. Okay we had one drink, we still had to drive home.

It was a wonderful 4 hour date. Just a perfect day.

I love you babe. And thank you for making my day.
Joytobe

Zoo Camp

This week Savanah is going to Zoo Camp. She has really enjoyed it. With her love for animals I could hardly pass up this opportunity. It is at our state zoo. She is learning about animals and getting to go up close to the animals. She gets to see some of the behind the scenes stuff at the zoo. It is so perfect for her. However, it has been rough on me. And her a bit too.

The Zoo is over 50 miles away. So I drive her there which takes a little over an hour. I hang out in that town for 4 hours while she is at camp. At first I thought this would be fun. Some of it has been. The drive home after camp has been horrendous for the both of us. Taking an hour and a half of stop and go rush hour traffic. She's tired, I'm tired and we are both very grouchy!

The first day I went to the zoo and meandered around. I saw every animal there. I hung out on a bench in the shade, there was a nice breeze. It was pleasant except for I was lonely. Usually when you are at the zoo you are with other people. So when I would see cute or intriguing animals I would talk out loud...to myself. "Awe isn't that cute?!" or "Wow look how big that is?" or "Oh there it is." small statements like that. But there was no one to listen to me. So I realized people were staring at me kind of weird. It was lonely.

The second day I found a Barnes and Noble. Normally I could peruse a book store for hours and be very content. Sit in a big comfy chair and read. I did but I found I was a bit antsy. I ran a couple of errands. Returned a couple of things at a local store.

Now yesterday I shopped a little but then a serious thunderstorm popped up. I sat in my car watching it unfold. You know how I love weather. I was checking the radar on my phone. Then the sirens went off and there was a tornado warning. I was worried about Savanah because the Zoo is only five minutes from where I was. I had asked her camp leader earlier since bad weather had been predicted, what they would do with the kids if the weather became treacherous. They actually take the kids underground in tunnels under the zoo. I wasn't worried about her safety but I was worried she would be scared.

The second tornado siren 5 minutes later was scary. I am sitting in my car listening to am radio for weather updates. All of sudden I hear "beep beep buzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzz, this is the emergency broadcast system, A tornado has been sighted...yada yada yada." I did actually hop out of the car and go into a nearby store. The sky looked strangely ominous and volatile. Way off in the distance I could see clouds rotating. It was cool but a little nerve wracking. The second tornado warning was legit. There was a tornado about a mile away. Luckily no one was hurt.

Savanah was fine when I picked her up. During the tornado warning they went below ground to a theater that the zoo uses for training and watched a movie. She had been a little worried but it sounded like they did a great job keeping the kids calm.

After all that I decided at 4:00 to just go park in the zoo lot and read my book for an hour. The problem was it was sweltering outside with a heat index of 103. Super high humidity. Yuck.

So now here we are. Camp today and the last day is tomorrow. I have nothing to do!!!!!! I can't drive home cause I would just have to turn around and come back. I've already done everything I wanted to do. AND I AM LONELY!!!!! Two more days! uuugggghhhh

Oh what we do for our children. Someday when Savanah is a famous animal explorer on Animal Planet. She better take care of me and set me up in a nice house!!!
Joytobe

My Honey Looks like Who?

Recently someone who works with my honey said he looked like Professor Snape!!!! You gotta be kidding! Oh Please. uhhh NO I don't think so. Then they clarified a little, saying he looks like the actor who plays Professor Snape when he isn't all made up to look so grim.



Well I don't know. Maybe. This is really the only picture I can find that does resemble my honey. It is a younger Alan Rickman.



What do you think?

Joytobe

Bloom Where You Are Planted

I planted this year. If you remember this post. I was so proud that my honey and I built a box. a raised garden box. http://joytobelieve.blogspot.com/2010/04/my-box.html

Now I am so proud because I actually have something growing in it. See my pictures!

On the top left side are chives, mmmm yum yum In the middle is Marigold. I had heard deer don't like Marigold. (Wonder if bears do?) On the bottom left side is Lemon Balm a type of mint but it is not minty. When you squish the leaves it has a wonderful lemony aroma. The leaves have been used to calm Alzheimer patients. It is full of antioxidants. Has been used to help sleep. And to aid in nausea. I have been crushing up the leaves in my green tea every day. Very yummy!

Now you may notice the whole right side of the box is empty!! Oh no, My cucumbers died. aw too sad. I did learn some valuable lessons in my first year planting edibles. Planter boxes need more dirt. Every few days I have to go pull grass that has grown from below. I thought I put enough dirt but then it settled and apparently was not enough.

Also on my deck I planted North Star Red Peppers. I love red peppers but holy cow are they expensive. So I bought four plants. They like the soil a little drier like tomatoes so I put them on my deck so the sprinklers won't get them. They have all flourished. Best of all I HAVE PEPPERS growing. I am so very excited. From the looks of it I will have lots of peppers. Wherever a flower grows a pepper emerges. Lots of buds.

So yay for me!!!! I have always wanted to grow something I can eat!

I see more boxes in my future for next year. Get out the tools Baby!

Joytobe

Helping Haiti

This post was written by my sister Vivian.



Before I went to Haiti this March on a medical mission trip, several people said jokingly. "Vivian, just don't bring any kids home in your suitcase." I didn't, but I brought home a whole village of kids in my heart.


This little girl is Kathina. She is twelve years old, and since she was six, she had seizures almost every day of her life. She lives in Lougou, a tiny village in the mountains north of Les Cayes. Madeleine Avignon is one of the founders of COFHED, the nonprofit which sponsored the trip. She told me about Kathina before the trip, and so I was able to bring medicine for her.



Over the course of five days, we saw almost 1,500 people in a medical clinic set up in the school in Lougou. It was hot and chaotic. I was seeing entire families at once, five to ten people crowding into the little classroom. When Kathina came in with her uncle, she walked right up to me and hugged me, and said something very softly in Creole. I asked my interpreter what she had said. He looked a little surprised and said, "She said I love you." I immediately started trying to figure out if my suitcase was big enough for her. :)



The medicine is working! She is not having any seizures! The next time she saw Madeleine, the first thing she said was, "I want to go to school." Her younger sisters attend the school , which the community built with assistance from COFHED. Kathina has tried to go to school, but her epilepsy was too disruptive.



I am now sponsoring Kathina to go to school. For a very small amount, I pay for her tuition, uniforms, and books. I'm not telling you this to make you think I'm such a wonderful person. I'm telling you because it makes me so incredibly, amazingly happy to be able to do something that really makes a difference in someone's life.



There has been a lot on the news about how much money has been sent to Haiti since the earthquake. CBS news reported $15 billion. And it's in the news how nothing is changing. People are still hungry, living in tents, dying. It's so frustrating, and it's a situation that I don't know how to fix. It's disheartening, because so many people care and want to help, but they feel like any money they send is going into a big black hole, or sitting in someone's bank account, or ending in corrupt hands.



I know that many of my friends would love to help, but feel for the reasons I just mentioned that sending money is futile. I am writing to ask you to consider making a donation to COFHED. They are doing so much with every penny they receive. They are engaging the community on sustainable economic development projects. Please visit their website to see what I'm talking about, and consider making a donation. www.cofhed.org Or just follow along and send up your prayers. Also please forward this note to your friends who might also have a heart for Haiti. A word of warning, your heart might grow two sizes too big!

www.cofhed.org

No Post Sundays

Enjoy your family day!

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln

Joytobe

No Post Saturday

Have a wonderful Saturday!



"It's a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize how much you love them." -Agatha Christie

Joytobe

Fight or Flight

Those of you who know me on facebook have heard a snippet of this story. But here are the details.

On Wednesday evening at about 7:45pm. I went for a walk. I was making my way home at about 8:15 pm. I was just about to cross the creek pictured here. My home is just on the other side of this creek. I was talking on my cell phone to my sister at this time.

Suddenly from the corner of my eye I saw movement. At first glance I thought it was Harry the neighbor's chocolate lab. But no it's too big and too dark to be Harry. A huge black Great Dane? No too big and huh? it's not moving like a dog? What is this? Now you must understand these thoughts are flying through my head at lightening speed.

This creature ran through my back yard, through the neighbors backyard, up their hill and is now on the sidewalk. The same sidewalk I am standing on. At this point the recognition sets in. IT IS A FREAKIN BEAR!

Now there is 50 feet between me and a big black bear. My body and heart froze. My mouth was working cause I vaguely remember hearing my own voice saying, "Oh my God, Oh my God. It's a bear."

My mind was shooting out thoughts like a machine gun. Okay full grown, uh was it a female? Does it have a baby with her cause if she does I am screwed? okay I don't see a baby. good. It's cute. okay now it is looking at me. What if it turns and comes this way? How fast can it run?

It was this precise moment that instinct from the cave man days kicked in. I don't remember making any sort of decision, Fight or Flight. But my feet started moving without my knowledge or willpower. The next thing I know I am running while looking over my shoulder fully expecting to see the bear chasing me. Now in the back of my mind I am remembering that you are not supposed to run from a bear, it just gives them reason to chase you. I did not consciously choose to run, it just happened. I ran to the neighbors house and rang the doorbell, no answer, rang it again and again and again.

I could still see the bear. Luckily I seemed to have scared it as it was running in the opposite direction away from me. It was then that I noticed the phone still in my hand. I hollered I gotta go and hung up. My neighbor opened the door. I hollered, "There's a bear!" He ran in to get something.

It was then that the fear ran through me. Serious fear. The bear was running down the street towards my house. Was Savanah outside playing?!?! Were other kids out in the lovely dusk summer air playing?!?! I quickly dialed my home number. My honey answered and I started hollering, "Is Savanah outside? Get her in if she is? Quickly, there is a bear!!!" Then I hung up.

The bear had started to run fast down the middle of the street towards the woods. Ahhh he scampered into the woods. Pictured below.

I saw another neighbor come outside at this point. Her 6 year old daughter had been in the garage when the bear ran by. She had seen it through her window.

My heart was still racing as several neighbors came outside to see what the commotion was all about. Then Savanah comes running out all excited to see the bear. "Sorry sweetie the bear is gone." However cute it was, I hope he/she never comes back.

It took a good hour before I was back to normal. Still now my heart races as I think about. I do think I probably looked foolish and comical running from the bear. Something you might see on America's Funniest Videos.

I would pay a lot of money to see this all unfold and hear what I must have sounded like on the phone and to my neighbors as I frantically rang their doorbell.

I am the crazy nature lady. If it ain't a duck it's a bear.

Joytobe

Too Dang Funny...Oh Honey

This is tooo (extra o too) funny. Oh Honey, I love you. I love you for reminding me of this story. And I love you for letting me post this story. This is your oops.

A few months ago in the dark days of winter my honey and I got a babysitter, Grammy and Papa. An OVERNIGHT babysitter. yeee-haaaa

We decided to go to our local casino and stay the night. No driving involved. Neither one of us are big gamblers but I do LOVE the sound of penny slot machines. It doesn't matter that the ding ding ding is counting up pennies. I'm winning!!!!!! Shortly after that I am losing. But we never lose more than we planned to. It is entertainment and we go maybe twice a year. no harm, no foul. We also go to hear some music.

This particular time we found, well my honey (I can't take any credit for this) found out that The Steve Miller Band was playing at the casino. You know, "Fly Like an Eagle", "The Joker" , "Rock'n me" Keep on a rock'n me baby.

Awesome and even more awesome it was for free. Couldn't get better than that! We were excited and started telling friends and family our plans. whew hooo party time. So the day of our big date my honey goes to check the casino website to see what time the band is playing.

Uhhhh, Oh No, what?, uuhhmm, WTH? Utter confusion. At some point while checking the website my Honey notices the spelling. It was The Steve Millar Band not Steve Miller Band. No this couldn't be? But yes it was.

I can tell you first hand The Steve Millar Band is NOTHING like The Steve Miller Band. Of course we still went, heck who gives up a free babysitter. No disrespect to Steve Millar but it wasn't what we were expecting. We did have a great time.

The funniest part was perhaps when Jeff''s boss, our neighbors, parents and everyone else asked how The Steve Miller Band was in concert. Oh how we laughed. Honey had to swallow his pride and fess up to everyone of his mistake.

Luckily My honey finds this amusing! As do I.

I raise my glass in a toast to Steve Millar and my honey. chuckling
Joytobe

The Butterfly Nursing Facility

Savanah received a butterfly pop up net habitat for Hanukkah from her aunt. With this butterfly home you are given a post card to send off to get caterpillars. They are sent in the mail. Since it is so cold here in winter we waited until spring to send off for her caterpillars. They arrived in April looking half dead to me. They were small about a centimeter long and weren't moving. However, within hours these critters were crawling all over the jar they were sent in. The jar comes with all the food they need until they form their cocoons.

Over 10 days these caterpillars grew to be about an inch and a half long. It was great to watch. Then they hung themselves to the top of the lid. The transformation from caterpillar to cocoon was amazing. About 7 days later they broke out of the cocoons as Painted Lady Butterflies. All 10 caterpillars successfully became beautiful butterflies. This was early May.

At this point we put them in their net and began feeding them orange slices. It was fun to watch them stick out their proboscis and eat. Savanah holds the butterflies often.

According to the instruction sheet you can let your butterflies go or keep them for the duration of their life, about 14 days. Savanah decided she wanted to keep them to see if they would lay eggs and continue the life cycle.

Well we watched them......ahem..... join together. Then Savanah told me, "I know how they mate. They attach themselves together." I just smiled and nodded. All in the name of science!

Unfortunately there were no eggs and not for the lack of trying on the butterflies part.

We went to Wisconsin Dells on June 10th. 8 of the butterflies were still with us at that time. One of the ten escaped into the wild. The other, well let's just say he went on to greener pastures. Not sure what to do with them so they came with us, about a 4 hour drive. We came home with 7 butterflies. On June 22nd we went back to Wisconsin Dells (long story). At that time we were traveling with 5 remaining butterflies. We came back with 4 butterflies.

Now fast forward to today. We still have 3 Butterflies left. They are invalids, can hardly fly, hardly have wings left. They are still eating only oranges which is all they have ever eaten. I don't think they are unhappy. Although, how would you know if a butterfly is unhappy? I suppose they would stop eating?

Anyways I am running a nursing home for butterflies. These buggers have lived over a month longer than they should have! Are oranges the secret of youth? The fountain of youth is pouring out orange juice?

I don't know but my new mantra is "An Orange a day keeps the Grim Reaper away!"

Joytobe

Why? How? What? When? Where?

I hear these word at least 100 times a day. My daughter is so inquisitive. I love it. And I am sad to say some days it annoys me. Often she will ask ten questions in a row.

I am surprised how often I don't know the answer. Maybe that annoys me. ;)

Something as simple as "Why are both guys in that movie wearing a white shirt?" Uhhhh I don't know.

To something as complex as this conversation

Savanah :"Why is it humid?"

Me: "Moisture is in the air."

Savanah: "What is moisture?"

Me: "Water"

Savanah: "Where does it come from?"

Me: "The jet stream moves over the Gulf of Mexico picking up water and pushing it towards us."

Savanah: "How does that happen?"

Me: "Evaporation. The water evaporates into a gas and is picked up by the wind."

Savanah: "Why does that happen?"

Me: "Heat makes it happen."

Savanah: "When does this happen?"

Me: "Often"

Savanah:"How does the water stay in the air?"

Me: "It doesn't. When eough of it collects in the clouds then it rains."

Savanah: "How much water does there need to be for it to make rain?"

Me: "I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!"

Savanah: "Mom?"

Me: "grrrrrrrrr WHAT?"

Savanah: "Can I go on the internet?"

Me: "Yes, please do.........and tell me the answer when you find it."


No wonder I am always exhausted!
Joytobe

No Post Sundays

Happy Fourth of July!!!!!

No Post Saturday

Enjoy the holiday weekend!

4th of July Weekend

wooo-hoooo
I love fourth of July. Always have, well since about 4th grade. That is when I started celebrating it with my best friends family instead of my own. That sounds sad, doesn't it?

Well my family didn't really celebrate 4th of July. I don't know why but it was almost like an ordinary day. No grilling out, no yard games, no fireworks, no festivals, no parades, no carnivals. Nothing. The closest I would get to any of that was sitting in the stuffy car in the grocery store parking lot watching fireworks from 5 miles away.

At about the age of 22, when I was pregnant with Billy, I decided I would NEVER miss 4th of July fireworks again. My children would NEVER miss a fourth of July celebration. (Please note; if my children were really sick, fever and such I would not force them to go to a carnival and I would stay home and take care of them.) I have never broken that promise to myself. One year I had a terrible migraine for two days leading up to and including the fourth of July. It was awful. I went to the emergency room that day for two reasons: I was a little worried about the headache being so extreme and lasting for so long, and second I was not going to miss fourth of July! So one CT, two narcotic shots, prescription pain killers and 4 hours later I was laying on a blanket in my favorite spot listening to a live band watching a huge 30 minute firework show from just a baseball field away. It was lovely.

I imagine my children will always partake in the festivities. There are 365 days of the year. So many of those end up being average ordinary days. Days filled with to do list, responsibilities, work and school. Average and ordinary is good, in my case great. But any chance you get, make a day Extraordinary.

And that is what I fully intend to do this weekend. I will join in the fun. Get out there and LIVE IT FULLY. I will be a participant not an observer.

Just make it special.
Joytobe

PS. I always cry at fireworks. When they play "Proud to be an American" and "The Star Spangled Banner."

Random Rambling - Office Day

Okay so this is a random post. And a reminder that today is Office Day. Thursday is always my office day. If you need a reminder here is a post about office day.

http://joytobelieve.blogspot.com/2010/02/200-office-day.html

So I really need an office day. My office has gotten completely out of control because I was out of town for two office days in a row. So I imagine it will take more that 1 hour to complete this task. I will start at 2:00 pm. 20 minutes from now.

Before I start I will drink a big glass of water, light a good smelling candle in the room and play some music to get me going.

Now for the random rambling part.

I am still not myself since Billy left. Still feeling a little blue. I have no rhythm. With school out I have not figured out how to get much done including writing and housework. I blink and the day is done. Where did the time go? I suppose I am doing okay in that everyone has clean underwear to put on. That should be my gauge of success. Clean underwear everyone? check Okay I'm good.

Okay so my mini-van has dual air control. So I can control the air conditioning for the whole van up front or I can choose to let the passengers control their own air flow. I take over when arguments occur. "I'm hot!" "I'm cold!" "Turn it down" "Turn it up." Everyone has an opinion! So the other day Savanah says, "Hey Can I control the weather back here?" I don't know why I found this so amusing.

The other day we were passing a strip mall with different offices in it. There was a Orthodontist, A Chiropractor, a Dentist office all in a row. Outside of the building was an ambulance, fire truck, police cars. The Dentist office said, "gentle dentistry". I certainly felt empathy for whoever was in trouble. In fact since I was a child every time I see an ambulance I say a silent prayer for whoever needs help. But some sick part of me found amusement, "not so gentle dentistry". or did the orthodontist get some sort of equipment stuck in someones mouth? Did the chiropractor crack too hard? Sometimes I am quite certain I am not normal. Normal is overrated anyways.

Savanah says, "ambliance" instead of ambulance. I can't correct her cause it is too cute.

I keep thinking I want to write a post about the Wisconsin Dells. We have gone there twice in the last three weeks.

Crap it is 2:00 pm. See ya gotta go!
Joytobe

Later

Later day

We'll have a very random post with just thoughts. I have much swimming around in my head.

Check back around 3:00 -ish.
Joytobe

My Dirty Little Secret

I have a dirty little secret. A skeleton in my closet.

But it is not in my closet. It's in my bathroom. And it's not a skeleton. It's a ladder.

Uh oh the secrets out. I have not yet finished painting my upstairs bathroom. Remember this post so very long ago. http://joytobelieve.blogspot.com/2010/05/tip-for-tuesday-painting.html

Yes this was posted on May 25th. I have had a ladder in my bathroom since May 25th! Can you believe that? Must be some sort of record. This is very unlike me. Usually when I start a painting project I can't seem to stop until the room is completely done. I have injured myself on more than one occasion pulling muscles and such because I refuse to put the paint brush down. Well apparently I learned my lesson or became incredibly lazy.

Actually all of the above and more. Life got in the way of my paint job! Children, vacations, summer breezes and my beloved ill Mother-in-law interrupted my paint job.

Then my husband made some sort of comment about the darn ladder being in the bathroom for over a month. Troubles brewing........Whoa there buddy, hold up, now don't get yourself in trouble here. You better think that statement through. You might want to verbalize a retraction! Maybe even a written retraction. I have painted 8 rooms in this house so far. I painted all the rooms in our old house, except Savanah's because I was pregnant. How many have you painted? huh? 1 That is it. JUST 1! Savanah's room

Uh Can you tell I get super defensive and sensitive when I feel guilty about something? Yeah using guilt trips doesn't work on me cause I just blow up in your face!

As if the bathroom weren't already slapping me in the face every time I walk in there!

hrumpf, ppsshh........it happens!
Joytobe

On a Serious Note - A Prayer Request

I started following a family's journey through childhood brain cancer in July of 2009. Their struggle was brought to my attention by another blogger. I have prayed often for little Kate and her parents in the darkest of times.

Today June 29th, 2010 Kate McRae will be having an MRI after a year of rigorous treatment. One year ago today Kate was diagnosed with this awful disease. She has been through so much. This MRI today will show the results of treatment.

Please join me in prayer for Kate and her family.
Joytobe

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate

Reliving My Childhood Nightmare

Yesterday I relived my childhood nightmare.



You know how you kind of relive your dreams through your children? Well yesterday I relived my childhood nightmare through my child. It was freakin awful.



I went for my daily walk while Savanah rode her bike along side me. The plan was to go for the walk near the horses, down the path, around the neighborhood and finish at the park where I would let her play. It was a beautiful day, sunny with a nice breeze.



We were walking down the path with Savanah about 5 feet ahead of me. Her bike started to lean to one side. I could see she was going to fall but it looked like it would be a manageable fall with no injury. The path is on a bit of a hill so I could tell she might slide down in the vegetation a little.



She did slide and came to a comfortable stop. I was right beside her at this point. Her bike and she had landed in a little sand mound, a nice soft landing. So I thought. Well this sand mound was in actuality a red ant colony, a nest, if you will.



Within a half a second several hundred ants were crawling all over Savanah. These ants were pissed that their home was just destroyed.



She screamed a blood curdling scream. but was motionless with shock. I grabbed both her arms and yanked her out of the ant hill. Grabbed my water bottle and started pouring it all over her legs and body. The cold ice water startled her out of her shock and she began to move and scream some more. So I am chasing her with the water bottle trying to knock the ants off of her. After a few moments we got all the ants off.

We both took a deep breath and began to survey the damage. She had no bites thankfully, a small insignificant scratch on the palm of her hand. No other bumps and bruises.

Then we looked at her bike still submerged in the ant pile. It had thousands of ants on it. Then she started to cry.


I was still a little panicked and was struggling with what to do about her bike. I needed a hose or water to wash the ants away. So I called Jeff and asked him to bring a bucket of water.


The bike was not a loss. I pulled the bike out of the ant pile and started shaking and kicking at it. The ants started to fall off. An occasional ant made its way on to my body throughout this process. Of course I would freak out and run around like a lunatic trying to get it off.

By the time Jeff got there I was pushing the bike along headed toward home. Jeff rinsed the bike off and took the bike home in his truck. Savanah I continued to walk towards the park.


She told me she would hate ants for the rest of her life. I have hated ants my entire life. As I had a similar run in with an ant pile that has been burned into my brain for life. Ask my sister Vivian about it!

On the way home Savanah was all talk about the incident, she needed to vent. I was more than happy to listen. At first she was very hostile towards the ants. Saying things like, "I will step on every ant I ever see." "Why does God make things that sting?". "I mean why does there have to be bees?"

The sweet, nature-loving, empathetic child that I have suddenly changed her tune a bit. She asked, "What do you think it is like to be an ant?" I said, "Well probably a little scary, these big things are always trying to stomp on you."

Then to my amazement she started to feel bad about wrecking the ants home! She said, "It probably took those ants years to make that nest and I just ruined it. All that hard work!"

Well Savanah you are a better person than me. I could easily spray raid on every ant hill I see every day for the rest of my days.

Apparently she will not be scarred for life. Must be my great parenting! hee hee
Joytobe

No Post Sundays

Have a great day! Posting hiatus is over tomorrow. Went on a little vacation. Look for a new post Monday sometime around noon-ish.

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be......

When I was a kid I had a life plan. Oh I knew what I would be doing tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. (George Bailey says something like this in "It's a Wonderful Life." My favorite movie of all time, tied with Apollo 13.)

I used to tell everyone my plan. My parents would chuckle and roll their eyes.

This was my plan. This was my dream.

I would be an Olympic Gymnast. After winning my first gold medal..................................
I would be an Olympic Gold Medal Ice Skater, when I became to old to skate...................
I would become a Grammy award winning singer, then.........................................................
I would become an Oscar award winning actress. when I became old like 40....................................
I would become a lost civilization finding Archaeologist, then........................................................
I would die.

I had a plan. With this plan I promised my father with all of my fame and fortune I would buy him his Jaguar (his favorite car.) Around my 25th birthday I gave my father his Jaguar, a lovely little red luxury matchbox car. He enjoyed the irony of it.

Well, I.....I am, in an odd sort of way, living my dream. The plan has changed some.

Gymnast? Well I can still stand on my hands and do a cartwheel, even a round off.

Ice Skater? I enjoy figure skating even now. I can still do a small whoop-dee-doo on ice.

Singer? I love to sing and do it often even at the embarrassment of my family.

Actress? Well heck, I act all the time: I act like I care, I act as if I like people that I don't, I act like the things my teenage son says don't freak me out. I am an accomplished actor.

Archaeologist? Shoot, not a day goes by that I am not studying footprints in my garden, comparing shoe marks and sizes trying to solve the puzzle of who keeps tromping through my garden. It's definitely a Sketcher and I think size 1.

I think it is interesting that I didn't envision myself as a wife or mother. Which oddly enough have been my most important and fulfilling roles I have ever had.

Not what I envisioned as a child but I couldn't be happier with this life of mine.

Why, yes, I am living the dream.
Joytobe

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet, kind, intelligent, Godly, beautiful niece Kendall.

I am so proud of the woman you have become.

Love,
Joyce

Arrived Safely

My baby bootie boy arrived safely in Connecticut. What movie is "baby bootie boy" from?

I am thankful but sad. Not feeling like writing today. I may take a short hiatus for the next few days. Just blah with not much to say.

One good thing can be said for this blah-ness. When I don't know what to do with myself, I clean. My house should be looking pretty good in a couple of days.

Actually I do my very best most productive cleaning when I am pissed. Alas I am not pissed right now, just blue.

Joytobe

No Post Sundays

Enjoy your day. Say a prayer for baby boy's safe travels today.

Saturdays

I have found no body really reads my blog on weekends. I understand it too. I am not on the computer much on weekends. I spend most of my time with my family.

Today is Saturday June 19th, 2010. I am feeling very blah and bummed. Tomorrow Billy leaves to go to Connecticut. It happens every summer. And I always feel the same way. Things are not quite right when he is gone. The stars aren't aligned properly. I feel dread for the week prior. The day he flies I am filled with trepidation. Once he lands I am thrilled that he is there safe and sound. I say my thankful prayer to God for getting my 6 foot baby there in one piece. The week after I am filled with blah and indecision. When I am really down I can't seem to make a decision to save my life. Every question anyone asks me is answered with I don't know or it doesn't matter to me. After about two weeks I find my rhythm. I still enjoy the summer but it isn't as magical without him.

So excuse my demeanor for the next two weeks. I also get a bit of an attitude.

You've been warned!
Joytobe

The Duck Lady Epic

This picture I took at the St. Louis Zoo reminds me of a story. (Isn't she a beauty?) All of the following is true as I remember it.

I am the Duck Lady. I am not ashamed of my affections and need to help the occasional stranded duck. Here is one of my stories that has illuminated my heroism. This is long!!!! But funny!

On a dark rainy morning of May 2003 I found myself in a situation which forced me to make a life changing decision. To intervene or not. To move or make a stand. To continue on my predetermined path or stray into uncharted territory. The time had come, "What would it be?"

Okay Way too dramatic. Redo, starting over. Ready, set, ACTION

On a rainy morning of May 2003 I watched a duck horror evolve right before my very eyes. I was waiting at a stop light at a very busy intersection on my way to Savanah's daycare. (Morning traffic was at its heaviest) Yes, Savanah went to daycare the first 9 months of her life as I was still working.

As I sat there I couldn't believe my eyes. Crossing in the crosswalk was a mother duck and many (maybe 12) baby ducks (very small only a few days old). Cars were screeching to halt. I was going to hop out of the car and direct traffic around her but it looked promising that she was going to make it across without my help. I was feeling relieved as the tragedy seem to be averted.

Then she (the mama duck) crosses over the sewer grate. GASP, GASP again, then I hear myself hollering "OH NO!!!" I watched in horror as 11 of the 12 ducks one by one plopped through the grate into the sewer!!!! I was shocked! "Holy Crap" What should I do?

The Mama had yet to realize that all of the baby ducks weren't following her. I am sure she was shocked when she turned to look and had gone from a mother of 12 to a mother of 1. When she noticed she turned around and started back where she came from quacking, looking for her babies.

My mind and heart were racing as my light turned green. What do I do? Savanah's daycare was right around the corner. I drove there quickly. I ran in the daycare like a lunatic muttering nonsense about baby ducks and a sewer. "Gotta go save, ducks fell, Mama duck, cars, ahhhhh" I ran out of the daycare promising an explanation later.

I made it back to the intersection still unsure of what I was going to do. The mama duck was causing a commotion trying to get to her babies. She was walking back and forth in the crosswalk with her 1 remaining baby.

I looked around, there was no one to help me. I scanned the area, the closest business was McDonald's of all places. Again I appeared to be a crazy lady as I ran in hollering . "Do you know the number for the police department?" "Do you have a phonebook?" "There are ducks in the sewer!" The 18, 19 and 20 year old kids working there just stared at me. The non-English speaking employees just said "huh?" It was apparent I wasn't getting anywhere with these people. I just ran out of McDonald's screaming, "Call 911, call 911"

I am not sure I can even explain the craziness of my actions. Not sure words will make do to paint this insane picture. But I am trying. With this next paragraph keep in mind this is during morning rush hour traffic. All the motorist are watching me. No one understands what I am doing. Anyone who saw the ducks fall is long gone. I imagine all the McDonald's employees have their faces glued to the window watching the crazy lady. I am certain no one actually called 911.

So I ran back to the intersection. I herded the Mama duck and 1 baby to the side of the road. I crossed the crosswalk to the center median. I got on my knees and looked in the grate with my butt up in the air! I couldn't see much but I could hear them quacking down the drain. I turned to look just in time to see the Mama heading into the crosswalk towards me as a car swerved around her. I herded her back to the side of the road.

"What the hell was I going to do??!!" I was motionless for a moment as I struggled with this dilemma. If I leave to go get help the Mama and baby will go into the road and get hit. But I am not helping the baby ducks just standing here.

Then I saw a police officer in a car. YAY!!!!!, I started jumping up and down, waving my arms, screaming, clapping my hands, doing anything and everything I could think of to get his attention. He had his blinker on and was about to turn away from me. Picture here a person stranded on a deserted island when a plane flies overhead. yeah that was me.

He turned and my heart sank to my shoes. I watched him go but then he turned around. And yes he came to my rescue.

This policeman was a young jock type, cool looking sun glasses, buff and tan. You know the type, power hungry. I got a little nervous as I noticed he looked somewhat excited as if he might get a foot chase with this crazy crack filled lady disrupting morning traffic. I pictured him throwing me to the ground and cuffing me as he jogged towards me with his hands making a calm down motion.

He asked me with a raised eyebrow, "What is the problem?" Of course I took a deep breath and started ranting and raving about the ducks. The Mama duck who had been hiding behind a tree, saved me, as if on cue, she ran back into the street quacking ferociously, obviously upset. The policeman looked disappointed shaking his head as he herded her back to the side of the road. All of this over a duck. There would be no excitement in Maple Grove today. I mentioned this duck was going to cause a car accident and that mobilized him. He went to the median, leaned over and he heard the baby ducks too. Thank God, I wasn't crazy.

He looked puzzled then hesitantly called for back up. He told me I could go now. I didn't want to leave but noticed I was already going to be an hour late for work. He saw me struggling with leaving. He promised me they would take care of it. He redeemed himself in my eyes as he looked at the quacking angry duck he said, "It's okay Mama we'll get your babies."

Ahhh I left feeling sure all was going to be okay. However, at work all I could think about was these ducks and what was the outcome. So at about 3:00 p.m. I called the Maple Grove Police department. With a very calm voice I explained in short what had happened. With humor I told the dispatcher, "I need to know what happened cause all I could think of all day was these damn ducks." Thankfully she laughed understanding my humor. She checked the log and said, well it says here, "Police arrived on the scene at 7:55 am. The scene was not cleared until 10:30 am." It says "resolved". She told me I think they got them out.

I breathed a sigh of relief. That evening I passed the scene of the crime! You could tell two of the sewer drains had been lifted up.

And although I was a little embarrassed by my actions, I enjoyed the humor of it all.

I slept well that night.

Joytobe

Now Hold On, Wait Just a Second Here

At the top header and description of my blog it says, "My husband loves to cook which is great, as I have little, if any, patience. "Continue to stir while simmering" just doesn't work for me. I say bring that pot to a full rolling boil."

Well this post is about my insane lack of patience for anything even slightly related to cooking. I got NONE.

My husband often laughs at me. He knows me well. If I put something, anything in the microwave I always stop it before the beep. My husband cracks up when he goes to use the microwave and it says, " 0:01" Like I couldn't just wait that one second before I grabbed my heated up coffee. It is true I could not wait.

When cooking up a frozen pizza, if it says cook 14 - 16 minutes, I will always choose 14 minutes! And even then I will probably take the pizza out after 13 minutes and 50 seconds.

Maybe this is why I like baking cookie cutter cookies. I can't sit and watch them bake. I am needing and rolling and cutting the shapes quickly just to get the next batch ready to throw in the oven. There is no time to be impatient. The cookies only take 7-8 minutes to bake. For sure this translates to me as "7 minutes".

Now I can chop up veggies with gusto. In fact I enjoy this activity but again it keeps me moving. It's the waiting I can't stand.

You would think I am super efficient keeping my home in order. Well not exactly, I do spend quite a bit of time just spinning my wheels. I am quite certain I have ADD. But hey that is another post all together.

Aren't you glad you don't live with me?
Joytobe

Playing With My Blog

Playing With My Blog

Doesn't that sound naughty?

For the next few days I am going to be "messing around with my blog". huh, still sounds naughty.

You may notice the design and layout of my blog will be changing. The content will not be changing. Still nonsense. I'm just trying to make it look pretty and make it more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. I may be adding a few gadgets as well. Wish me luck.

Stay with me and please be patient as I change it up.
Joytobe

Granny Ethel

My honey had a Granny Ethel (God rest her soul).

She left Jeff with this treasure, "If there is enough blue in the sky for a Dutchman's britches, it's going to be a nice day."

What does this mean? Are Dutchman's britches large? or small? I love this saying but struggle with the meaning.

Ode to the internet. I found this bit of information.
Admiral William Henry Smyth's A Sailor's Wordbook from 1867 reads as follows: "Dutchman's breeches, the patch of blue sky often seen when a gale is breaking, is said to be, however small, 'enough to make a pair of breeches for a Dutchman'."

Also this: the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang says "Dutchman's breeches" is nautical slang meaning 'a patch of blue sky visible through clouds'.

Still doesn't answer my question "Are a Dutchman's britches large or small?"

Joytobe

Think Soft......Think Hard

A cool concept thought up by my 7 year old daughter.

We just came back from Wisconsin Dells for a little family vacation. We had great fun. There is so much to do.

There is an awesome deer park. You walk around with food and the deer just come right up to you and eat. Some of them come up just to be petted. It was really neat. They are so beautiful and fragile looking. Big beautiful eyes and long eye lashes. Such kind faces. I am not sure how people can shoot them.

There is also a mining company where you get a bucket of dirt and sand. You put the contents in a strainer and get to keep whatever you find. We came home with some amethyst, garnet, quartz, sapphire and emerald. This sounds like an expensive treasure but I am quite certain these stones aren't truly jewelry making quality. However it is still a treasure to us!

This mining store also sold small pieces of dinosaur bone fossils. Savanah was very intrigued by this.

Later at the hotel we were talking and she said the following priceless gems.

"When you think about the deer park soft, it seems like no big deal. But when you think about it hard. Wow deer were just walking right up to me and letting me pet them."

Later she said,

"When you think about the dinosaur bones soft it doesn't seem special, but if you think about it hard, I'm holding a dinosaur bone!"

I like this concept! Let's look at everything hard! How wonderful to fully take in the magic, the true meaning and importance of things.

Take a hard look at the significance.
Joytobe

17 to 18

My daughter has always had the same favorite number. 17. I am not sure how she picked it. But it has remained constant.



Until yesterday. Savanah brought home a math workbook. It is more for fun and number sense. The 1st question asked, "What is your favorite number? Why?"



Her answer was this. 18 "because you can order things on TV."



This was too funny to me. As Jeff said, can't you just hear the announcer guy, "You must be 18 years or older to order."



Does my child watch too much T.V.?



My children and I have a number / color association. It is called color synesthesia. It is defined: an individual's perception of numbers and/or letters is associated with the experience of colors. I have had this all of my life. It is not like a disorder or anything bad. Many people have this. Basically when I think of a number I strongly picture a color. Even for instance if I see the number 5 in my mind it is green.



so my color palate is this. I put in bold the strongest associations.

1 is white
2 is light blue
3 is yellow
4 is blue
5 is green
6 is red
7 is orange
8 is purple
9 is brown
10 is black



Savanah's color palate is this;
1 is no color
2 is ?
3 is no color
4 is green
5 is orange
6 is red
7 is yellow
8 is green
9 is purple
10 is no color

Billy's color palate is this:
0 is white
1 is red
2 is yellow
3 is green
4 is red
5 is purple
6 is green
7 is purple
8 is orange
9 is no color
10 is white/red

Wierd isn't it?
Joytobe

No Post Sundays

Have a fantastic day!

The Fulgurite. The what?

For Mother's Day I got a fulgurite. It kind of sounds like a naughty word, doesn't it? Say it out loud with me, fulgurite. Again..... fulgurite. Now that you have said it do you wanna know what it means?

Well it's not a dirty word. But I like saying it anyways. You know how certain words you just like saying?

Fulgurites are natural hollow glass tubes formed in sand or soil by lightening strikes. They are formed when lightning with a temperature of at least 1,800 °C (3,270 °F) instantaneously melts silica on a conductive surface and fuses grains together; the fulgurite tube is the cooled product.

Isn't that the coolest thing ever? My rock hound daughter gave it to me as a present. You are basically holding in your hand the path a bolt of lightening took as it hit the earth. In fact the lightening made this glass tube.

It isn't pretty and to some it doesn't look like much.

But I think it's priceless.

Joytobe

Savanah - The Frog Veterinarian

My dear Savanah found a frog with a little cut on it. Apparently Jeff ran over it with the lawn mower or whacked it with the weed whacker. (Isn't weed whacker a funny word?) Luckily it was just a flesh wound.

Savanah got wet paper towels and cleaned off the blood until it was no longer bleeding. She cared for this frog with all of her 7 year old skill. The frog has recovered nicely and will shortly be released back into the wild.

She was very proud of herself for this humane accomplishment. She was telling me all about it. I told her, " You are a veterinarian." She looked at me quizzically.

Then she shrugged her shoulders kind of shook her head no. She looked at me and said, "But I like to eat meat."

It took me a moment but I realized she had confused the words veterinarian with vegetarian.

Oh was that amusing. After I finished explaining she still asked, "Do veterinarians eat meat?" Hmmm good question, If you care for animals, granted domesticated animals, do you still eat animals..meat?

I suddenly felt a tongue twister coming on. Something like
If the veterinarian was not a vegetarian
but the vegetarian was a veterinarian,
Were either of them vegans?

Oh Savanah you crack me up. I crack myself up too.
Joytobe

Clarification - Worry Versus Fear

Recently I posted information about a few conversations my son and I have had about the book "The Lord of the Flies".

You can read all the gory details here. http://joytobelieve.blogspot.com/2010/06/thinking-for-himself.html

But the gist of the disagreement was my son believes "everything we do as humans is motivated by fear." He gave me many examples of why he thinks this way. I disagree.

My husband read the blog post. Soon he and I were discussing this matter. (I love this kind of philosophical speak. It gets my mind pumped up!) It was my husband who found the answer I needed so desperately. I couldn't find the right words to defend and reasonable explain my feelings. I couldn't explain why I disagreed so vehemently. Believe it or not my opinionated mouth was speechless. My honey found my reasoning for me.

Now I am not saying Billy is wrong because he should have his own opinion. I am just saying I am right. ;)

So to look into this matter we need to define a couple of things.

Fear (noun): an emotion of alarm and agitation caused by the expectation or realization of danger. Synonyms: alarm, dread, fright, horror, panic, terror, trepidation

Fear (verb): to be afraid of

Afraid (adjective): Filled with terror or fear

Worry (verb): to feel uneasy, to turn over in the mind, to cause to feel anxious, distressed or troubled, anxious concern. Synonyms: concern, distress, pother, stew.

Now here is where it gets tricky. Many people use the word afraid when they really mean worry. But they are NOT synonymous. They truly mean different things. I think in general when you are afraid you are probably worried too. But You can be worried without being afraid. Does that make any sense? I read that paragraph over like 50 times. It makes sense to me but barely!

So I worry about his grades. I am not afraid or fearful about his grades. Well maybe a little afraid.

My actions are not motivated by fear (well sometimes). Often they are motivated by worry or concern. I am not a slave to my fears. Well maybe my fear of flying. That is about it..... oh yeah and my fear of the dentist chair! The sound of the dentist drill can send me sprinting away.

This is how you know you should be married. My honey knows me so well he can find my reason when I've lost it! I love my husband so because ... he could finish my sentences for me but he doesn't.

Hope that clears that all up.
Joytobe

My Birthday....His Birthday Suit

So last week was my birthday, June 2nd. I turned 39. gasp. Now I am 39 and holding. I will not get older than 39. I still love my birthday. I used to feel indifferent about my birthday. Until I met my husband. My honey has a way about him. He finds great joy in showing the people he loves how special they are to him. On my birthday he always makes me feel so wonderful. So although I have stopped aging I will continue to celebrate my birthday. Hey everyone deserves to be princess for the day!

So this past Wednesday a blogging story was revealed right before my very eyes. ;)

To begin with my honey slept in that day (he always takes the day off on my birthday). He had been at the hospital late the night before with his mom. So I was happy to let him sleep in. I got the kids off to school. Then Billy texted me, he needed something he forgot at home. It needed to be turned in that day. So I kissed sleeping Honey and high tailed it up to the school with the forgotten item. On my way home I stopped at McDonald's for yummy greasy breakfast. hmmm yum bacon egg and cheese biscuit.

When I walked in the door I saw my honey was up and sitting on the couch. I smiled and excitedly showed him the grease stained McDonald's bag, "I got breakfast! no dieting today!" He just looked at me with this enormous smile on his face. His hands were behind his head as he leaned back supporting his head. This smile was unusual. Not his normal smile. It was too animated. Too big. Like he had something up his sleeve! Like the joker. Very unusual. puzzling. I stared at him as I set my things down and slipped off my shoes. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

He just continued to smile not saying a word. As my eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room I noticed he had his shirt off. My honey has the sexiest chest. Not meaning to get graphic here but it is truth. I took a step forward, then another. My eyes widened as I realized my honey was NAKED!!!! With my birthday card covering up his privates. I gasped in shock and appreciation. And then I fell to the floor laughing. Then he started laughing too. It was awesome. This is not really characteristic for my honey. In fact he was trying to see the reaction from me. And he did. When I pulled myself together I hopped right over that couch and well.......

The funniest part of it is what he told me later. He watched the road waiting to see my car. Then threw his clothes off and assumed the position. But he said he panicked just before I opened the door. He thought, what if Billy got sick at school and I was bringing him home. What if Billy was walking in the door first. His heart raced as he heard the door knob begin to turn. His smile was so large because he was relieved to see my face.

Thank goodness, can you imagine if it had been Billy? That would have been a hefty therapy bill!

I just love him and his ability to make me smile! And he still surprises me.

Happy Birthday to me!
Joytobe

The Magic Mirror - Pama and Pampa

Well this is a story that needs to be told. I know my Pama would blush and giggle. I really don't think she would mind. Well she would act like she minded because she is a proper lady but I think she finds this so amusing herself. It needs to be preserved for history's sake. So without further ado....here is the story of how my grandparents met and fell in love.

My grandmother was raised in an orphanage with her sister after her parents died of tuberculosis. If you want to read about that here is the post.
http://joytobelieve.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-pama.html

When she was eighteen she and her sister lived together sharing an apartment. Pama worked in a hospital. She would see Lloyd (Pampa) on her way to work. He was smitten the first time he saw her. Pampa was a mailman, sorry Pampa.... I mean a letter carrier. He hated to be called a mailman. He delivered mail to her house. He said he hoped everyday that she would receive a package so he could go to her door and speak to her.

One particular day he got his wish. There was a package! He rang the doorbell several times before she appeared. He was persistent. He was not leaving the package on the doorstep. Apparently Pama had just gotten out of the shower. She grabbed a towel and held it in front of her body as she answered the door. Now when I think back at this I am a little surprised by her actions especially thinking of how proper everyone was back then. I suppose since she was raised in an orphanage and had no official chaperon or parents that affected her behavior.

Pampa was happy to see her and possibly even happier to see the towel draped across her body. He left the package with her. The next day he walked her to work. Shortly after her began full on courting her. They were engaged and later married.

Years after they were married Pampa told Pama the day he delivered that package he fell in love with her. It was sweet. A few years after that he told her, when she had stood in the doorway that day with that towel draped over the front of her body, she had been standing in front of a mirror. He had seen the entire back side of her body. And that was the day he knew he was going to marry her.

Oh man how I wish I had that mirror. Who knows where it went but that would have been priceless. That mirror ensured my existence.

Love that story. Love my Pama and (God rest his soul) Pampa,
Joytobe

No Post Sundays

Enjoy your day!
Joytobe

Surgery Update

It's been an up and down kind of week. A little roller coaster-ish. My mother-in-law's surgery went well. Then she had some complications with low blood pressure and low hemoglobin leading the doctors to believe she had some internal bleeding. After several tests it was determined she had a little bleeding that luckily resolved itself without further surgery being needed. A blood transfusion really turned things around.

Now we have found out 2 of the 11 lymph nodes taken out were malignant. Not the news we wanted to hear. But thankfully not as bad as it sounds. We will get the whole picture when we meet with the oncologist. The good news is from her scans and x-rays it appears the cancer has not spread to other organs or surrounding tissue. Her spirits are high and optimistic. She is handling all of this like a strong lady!

And just as of ten seconds ago I spoke to her. SHE IS HOME! Yeah discharged this morning.

Thank you God,
Joyce

Thinking For Himself

My son is so insightful. We have wonderful conversations about books he is reading in English. I usually ask him about the book and ask him to remind me the story line as I read these books one hundred years ago. Okay truth be told 20 or so years ago. The "or so" is very important here. Lots of days gone by. Can you believe it? Oh yeah we're talking about him here not me and my old age.

I love hearing his point of view. We often disagree and I love hearing him defend his opinion. I love watching him listen intently to my opinion. He is amazing to me. These are the most wonderful discussions. We have taught him to respectfully disagree with an adult. It's one of those parenting moments where you say, "I did good here." I see him becoming a man. A man I would want to call my friend.

However, with this latest book I am having a dilemma. His latest read was "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding. This book is very dark. I actually pulled out my "Lord of the Flies" essay dated 1/28/88. I kept it! Well I got an A and the teacher wrote, "You know how to achieve transitions and to insert minor details in subordinate clauses." "You are really developing! Keep up the good work!" Yes my teacher used exclamation points!! And she was a hard ass for sure. She certainly knew when to use exclamation points where I use them all the time! See! I digress again turning this writing to be about me. oooppss

Anyways this book is about the effects of human nature when society's conditioning is no longer present with its laws and boundaries. Basically in the book most characters will revert back to being barbarous savages. My son's essay was to answer the following question, "Do you believe that Golding is telling us that we are all doomed, or does he believe there is hope for humans?

Billy believes we are all doomed. He really feels people are inherently evil. That we keep this evil at bay everyday with our choices. This is very contradictory to what I believe, that everyone has good and bad within them. But mostly good. We fight off the bad intentions by dealing with the emotions that cause them, jealousy, anger, sadness, hatred, annoyance. I'm all about the choices we make also.

Here is where we really differ. Billy feels very strongly that "everything we do as humans is motivated by fear." Basically the only thing that causes us to take action is fear. At first I was repelled by this notion of his. Ewe yuck, no that is wrong, we care that is why we take action. We feel.

Then he asked me to give him examples of times I have taken action. So I gave the example of seeing a car accident and stopping to see if anyone needed help or was hurt. He turned this around and said, "You're afraid of what people will think of you if you don't stop." No he was wrong and I told him so. Most of the time I could give a crap what people think, especially strangers. Then he said, "Okay, you are afraid someone is hurt. You are afraid someone could die if you don't take action." Well this stopped me in my tracks. Well....yes... kind of....I was afraid or worried someone might be hurt. Just like the other day I was afraid the horse would get hurt tangled up in the fence.

I gave other examples, "Billy, I push you hard to bring up your grades cause I care. " He said, "No, because you are afraid I am going to fail." I inhaled deeply, I am afraid Billy may have a point here. Is every action we take a double-edged sword? We went over several examples and he could always turn it around with the word "afraid".

What does this mean? Could we both be right? I care about the person in the accident and that makes me afraid they might be hurt? Maybe that's the answer, " I care for others and that makes me afraid."

What the hell? This makes me a little sad, my son thinks this way. This makes me proud he is so insightful and thinks for himself. But I thought I was teaching him to be motivated by the goodness is his soul. Now he tells me we are all motivated by fear and fear alone. What the hell? I like my optimistic happy way that all humans are good!

I am confused. No more talking Billy! You are not allowed to discuss anything, anymore. Yes this scares me......I am afraid. Afraid I may be wrong.

Scratching my head.
Joytobe

Horse Lady

My husband used to affectionately call me the "Duck Lady". I'll explain this in a future post as it is quite a funny story, actually a couple of funny stories. Mostly including me making a fool of myself all for the love of nature.


Anyways I felt myself called to duty again today. Often when I take my daily walk I stop at the ranch near my house. I just watch the horses (3 of them) for a few minutes catch the morning breeze and head on my way. They are beautiful horses. Today the light brown one kept looking back at me rocking back and forth. It was an odd behavior as they usually ignore me. I took this photo.


As I watched squinting into the sun I realized it looked like his leg was stuck.







Well you know me I high tailed it over down the long gravel driveway to get a better look. Sure enough poor thing was stuck. I walked the rest of the long drive way towards the house. The other two horses came running up to the fence obviously happy and maybe amused to see me. They were beautiful and graceful. You could tell they were well cared for and adored people.


As I approached the home I heard a rather large dog barking in harmony with some high pitched yippy barking from a few other dogs. As I got to the front door this huge lab ran to the storm door barking quite ferociously. I was a little frightened but was happy for the storm door. Until the dog jumped on the door and it flew open. I like dogs. I don't think I have ever been afraid of a dog before today. I just about crapped my pants as it came charging to me. I think I heard myself in a high pitched voice say something along the lines of "good doggy", hoping to sooth this savage beast and convince him to not eat me. When the dog got to me the owner was walking out the door. She reprimanded the dog, "Duffy" the dog immediately started wagging it's tail and sniffing me.


I pulled myself together just enough to let her know about her horse. She was very appreciative and said, "I don't know why she does that. Come on Duffy we need to go get Destiny out of the fence again." As I walked back down the driveway I saw the owner cruising over to the fence in a golf cart.


Catastrophe averted. Duffy and Destiny, Duffy and Destiny I thought over and over on the rest of my walk.




Once I got home I did change my shorts. Although I didn't crap my pants I think I might have peed a little!




Affectionately Yours,
The Horse Lady

update

The surgery started late and ended at about 10:30 last night. It went really well. She was stable throughout. They got everything out that they needed to. Now it is just recovery and waiting for pathology reports on lymph nodes.

More info to follow

Joyce

Surgery Update

My mother-in-law is having surgery today to have a malignant tumor removed from her intestine. This tumor was found through a routine colonoscopy. The prognosis is very good. Although it is still very scary.

We won't have the true picture until her lymph nodes are looked at by a pathologist.

We could use some prayers for her and our family.

Thank you,
Joyce

Hyper-Sensitivity Hyper-Sensory

We recently got some scary medical news about someone very dear to me. Diagnosed with the confirmed "C" word with surgery scheduled for this Tuesday. How quickly things can change in life. It's weighing heavily on my heart. I am afraid for this person I love. I feel guilty because I have not always shown my appreciation for this person. She is like a parent to me. In fact she is a parent to me.

My walk today wasn't so much about exercise, losing weight or being physically healthy. It was entirely about mental health. I needed to clear my mind to find peace and strength. I had no idea how to do this. I asked God. Without knowing how or why..... I went into Hyper-sensory mode. Suddenly I noticed everything around me. I soaked it all in through every sense that I have.

This tree makes the most wonderful noise when the wind rustles the leaves. It sounds like falling rain.

The smell in the park of the freshly cut grass.

The sweet smelling lilac breeze rushing through my hair.

The bluest sky you ever saw.

The geese and goslings crossing the path in front of me.

The farm at the end of the road. Hearing the horses whinny and watching them swish their tail.

Looking at a tree up ahead, then noticing the feel of it's shade when you get underneath it. Looking up into the tree. Feeling it's life.

This may look just like a mud puddle to you and I. A tire track rut ruining the perfect grass. An imperfection created by man. But to the birds around here it was the greatest bath. I just watched them.

Crossing the creek that runs behind my house which contains and gives so much life.

My road to home. The beauty of "the end of the road".

My home approaches with a new outlook from when I left here 45 minutes ago.

A new understanding, a new perspective was God's gift to me today. So often all of this wonder goes unnoticed by me and others. Today the power and beauty of nature gave me strength, peace and even joy.

Thank you God,

Joytobe

Pamaism - The Thing About Wrinkles

When visiting Pama the other day I was telling her how beautiful she is. I told I couldn't believe how few wrinkles she has.

She told me, "I don't let my wrinkles worry me. If you do worry about them they just get worse." Truer words have not been spoken.

She also told me, "When I think of myself or in my dreams I see myself when I was about 18. Then I look in the mirror and I am shocked. I think who is this?"

I guess when I think of myself I see my 30 year old face. Amazing what nine years can do to change you. Just need to stop looking in the mirror. ;)

She also told me, "I never learned to drive a car. I only learned how to turn them off." There is whole post that will be dedicated to Pama's driving lesson with my grandpa.

Ode to the Pama,
Joytobe

My Sweet Puppy Dog

Okay well she is not a puppy at all but she is awfully sweet. She still plays like a puppy.

My sweet girl, Cabby. Cabby is short for Cabernet. She also is affectionately called Cabbers, My Cabby Girl or Cab. She will also answer to "What did you do? Huh Just what the heck did you do?".

Funny things about my dog.

She likes to eat paper.

If you roll a ball to her she will knock it back to you with her nose. Over and over again.

If you give her a treat and then leave the house she will not eat the treat until you return home. However, if you leave the garbage out and leave the house you will come home to a freakin mess. Explain that to me. It makes no sense. I have learned my lesson after a $1,000 dollar emergency vet bill and an incident involving 10 Famous Dave's ribs. Uuugghhh

Maybe the funniest thing is this. On Cabby's birthday we always sing "Happy Birthday" to her and then given her a dish of vanilla ice cream. In the last few years she associates the "Happy Birthday" song with her receiving ice cream. Now whenever she hears that song she freaks out, runs in circles, jumps on you and then runs to the kitchen, sits down all sweet and waits. She will wait there for an endless amount of time. She is relentless and will remain there until she gets her ice cream.

As she turned 9 this last year we decided she should get ice cream on everyone's birthday. Oh heck why not. In people years she is like 63. When I am 63 I'll eat ice cream every damn day if I want to. Problem is I don't like ice cream.......I'll eat CHEESE! hmmmm mouths watering.

Love you My Cabby Girl,

Joytobe

Tip for Tuesday - Painting

Tip For Tuesday involves painting which I have SSLLOOWWLLYY been doing to my bathroom.

Okay first tip. Even if a bathroom looks small and you think it will take an insignificant amount of time to paint.....you are dead wrong. I always forget how freakin tedious it is to paint a bathroom. all the corners, trim, caulk lines, cabinets, pipes, toilet to paint around.

Remember when I said I love to paint? well I should have prefaced it with...I love to paint at the beginning and end of a painting project. I like the excitement of the color choice and seeing that first brushstroke obliterate the dull drab previous color. I love seeing the results at the end. The middle?..... well it sucks. It just stares at you looming over your tired shoulders. And I HATE painting bathrooms.

Okay so here are my tips.

• Take lots of breaks.
• Use disposable tray liners - very inexpensive and allows you to easily take breaks.
• During short breaks saturate your brush or roller with paint then wrap it with a plastic bag tightly. This will keep it from drying out. This actually worked for me overnight.
• Poke small holes around the deepest part of the rim of the paint can on the side you are pouring from. This allows the paint that just sits in there to slowly drain back into the can.
• Take lots of breaks (oh did I say that already?) It's important.
• Never paint bathrooms!.... just kidding.

Good luck,

Joytobe

Hey YOU......

So My Honey came back from his trip Friday to Orlando. He was there for a medical conference. He came back with a lot of interesting information on being healthy which ties in perfectly to my new health kick diet!

One of the key note speakers was Dr Mehmet C. Oz. Yup Dr. Oz. I just love him since he used to be on Oprah now that he has his own show even better. So my Hubby got his book "You Staying Young" Coauthored by Dr. Michael F. Roizen. My honey met Dr Oz and got the book autographed for me!! Jeff also told Dr. Oz that I have a crush on him. hmmm It's true I do but I don't know how my honey knew that.

Anyways this book REALLY speaks to me. It's not necessarily that I want to live longer it's just that I want to live more! I want quality. And if quantity comes with it.... great. I would love to see and play with my great grandchildren.

This message is so strong to me after watching my mother slowly die. It started years before it really started. She gave up on her body even before her body gave up on her. Now I am not saying she could have stopped the MS but I think she could have managed it much better. I also know she fought depression which keeps most people including her motionless and unmotivated. No judgements here at all. I just know with all my heart I don't want to live that life so I have decided I am not going to. Whatever genetics may have thrown at me. This book is teaching me I have more control over the outcomes than I ever would have thought.

In this book they compare your body to a city. "For a city, genes are geography- whether it's built on a river, or whether it's located in a hot or cold climate, or whether it lies directly in a prevalent hurricane path. The city's geography can't inherently change. But the city can adapt to that environment, with earthquake-proof construction, underground tunnels for walking in winter time or a ferry system for commuting. The adaption the city makes to survive and to thrive is what's crucial to its vitality. The same goes for you."

It goes on to say, "Just because you've been dealt a genetic hand that predisposes you to heart disease or diabetes doesn't mean you can't mitigate the effects of those genes. One of the major things we'll teach you is that while you can't change your genes, you can change whether they are turned on or off, or how you express them."

Well I'll be danged.....Who knew?......I didn't.

Lots to learn with this book. I will be examining it carefully.
Joytobe

No Post Sundays

I think I have decided there will be no posts on Sundays. MY FAMILY DAY! And Monday is catch up day. I'll get a very important, informative post (yeah right) out a little later today.

So check back, I'm recovering from my morning walk with 100% humidity!

Joytobe

101st Day

So today marks the 101st day since I started blogging again. I started February 10th, 2010. It's hard to believe that. I am proud to say that I have kept my own personal goal in that I have posted most days. I have posted 112 times in the last 101 days. And I still have lots of ideas of things I want to say. Not sure anyone wants to hear what I have to say...but...this has really been therapeutic for me. I love to write and this has been my journal of sorts. I get to be creative in my very structured life.

When I started we were still in the thick and nasty of winter here in Siberia! Now it's lovely. I am sitting here today with the windows open enjoying the humid air of the morning and the birds chirping. Waiting for a spring thunderstorm getting ready to roll on through. My family is laughing because I love weather. I should have been a meteorologist. I love watching radar, trying to predict where the storm will go or how much precipitation there will be. Will it turn severe? I'm pretty good at it too. I guess I missed my calling.

Well my honey is home. it's great. This morning the whole family piled in my bed...excluding Billy (guess he thinks he is too old for that).....including the dog. And we all cuddled and talked and laughed and enjoyed each other. Love those mornings. I will sure miss this someday when the kids are grown!

It's a beautiful day and I am going to thoroughly enjoy my family today!
Joytobe

I feel like this today

My Honey is home. I feel like this song by Jessica Andrews. Helplessly, Hopelessly. It's an awesome song. Here are the lyrics.

I can stand with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I can fight with the toughest of the tough.
I can laugh in the face of all my insecurities.
Anytime Anywhere Anything
I'm strong enough.

But when you're holding me like this
I'm carelessly lost in your touch.
I'm completely defenseless.
Baby it's almost too much.
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
falling in love.

So let consequence do what it will to us
I don't care
Let the stars stand as witness to it all.
Say the word
and tonight I will follow you anywhere.
I just can't pretend anymore
I'm too sturdy to fall cause

But when you're holding me like this
I'm carelessly lost in your touch.
I'm completely defenseless.
Baby it's almost too much.
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
falling in love.


I am not afraid.
I am not afraid.
cause

When you're holding me like this
I'm carelessly lost in your touch.
I'm completely defenseless.
Baby it's almost too much.
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
falling.

I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
falling in love.



Here is a link to the video on Youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKVJPnEbOkA