A Moment to Remember

Every parent has moments of torture when you are faced with a dilemma when you don't have the answers. You just don't know what to do. You are at wits end.

Then you summon all of your knowledge and courage to make a decision. You hold your breath and pray fervently that you have done the right thing. You always leave room for revision because sometimes you will err.

I have found these unbelievable difficult moments become more numerous the older a child gets. I am hoping we hit a plateau soon with the age of 16. I may not survive to 17!

We had a slow steady build of pressure around here over the last few months. Culminating over the last few days with a very dramatic ending to a very dramatic turbulent relationship. During this time I have wracked my brain trying to save my child from pain or at least help him navigate through it. And it isn't over yet. close but not completely.

I found I cannot really protect him. I can help guide him with my advice regardless of if he wants it or not. I can remind him of his morals. I can be there to listen and be a shoulder to lean on. I can PRAY and Pray and pray.

But ultimately he is responsible for his action and reaction.

This never became more prevalent to me then last night when my son and I were talking about all of this upheaval. How hard it is. I was listening. Then he thanked me! I was flabbergasted. He said, "Thank you for letting me go through this. I needed to learn this myself."

Picture me with my jaw on the floor, eyes bulging completely speechless.

Now that I have had time to process this statement I realize this is one of those stunning moments in life where you realized you did the right thing. And I felt so proud of him because he made the right decision and he weathered a pretty rough storm.

We'll make it through all of this and more because we are family. We will always be there for each other.

Joytobe

An Exceptional Young Man

My son is exceptional in so many ways. He doesn't complain when he is sick. So when he does you know he really feels bad. He made it through three performances of the school play on Friday feeling awful. Then ends up in hospital on Saturday morning.

He is determined but this is what makes him exceptional. While at the hospital feeling incredibly awful he wakes and looks at me and says, "Thank you for being here with me and taking care of me."

Last night he finally got the energy to take a shower, still had gray hairspray in his hair and makeup on from the play night before. He asked me to sit by the bathroom door in case he felt dizzy. As I sat there I heard him softly singing in the shower.

Just now as he lay on the couch dozing off and on, he says, "Thank you for getting up so early this morning with me and taking care of me."

So how did I get so lucky to have such a caring, appreciative and joyous young man for a son? I don't know the answer.

But I am so thankful for him.
Joytobe

Patches

My daughter is a wild animal. Well not exactly but she would like to be. She often has told me she wishes she was a wolf. Wolves are definitely her favorite animal. Her imagination is boundless. I have never known a child with her capacity for role play.

In fact when she was 4 years old I was a little concerned. While driving in the car I heard her having a four person conversation. I was curious about this because I had forgotten to bring any toys with us. I looked back to see her playing with her fingers. Four of her fingers had different personalities and different voices. There was an elaborate conversation happening between them. In fact a conflict and argument. The most amazing part was they all had names and she was keeping track of them all.

About this time she had her 4 year check up. I asked her doctor about this. I even asked if I should be concerned. "Could a child have too much imagination?" "I mean are we talking split personalities?" He laughed at/with me. He said as long as she wasn't answering me with different voices we were okay. As long as her conversations with me were set in reality it was okay. In fact it was great!

I wondered then if maybe she would be an actress some day. Through the years this role play has continued. It has changed in that now it all revolves around animals. Her desire for knowledge about animals is insatiable. Any book or Discovery channel show she sees she sucks it in like a sponge. Without a doubt she has found her passion in animals. The Zoo is one of her favorite places.

Wow lots of information about "Patches". Believe it or not this post was supposed to be about patches for pants. Pretending to be an animal has caused holes in the right knee of all of my child's pants. I mean all of them. They all still fit but are holey. So my child looks like a vagabond because I refuse to buy new pants if these still fit. I have looked at craft stores for patches but they are all old fashioned and ugly. If you iron them on they stay on through maybe two washes.



I don't want to stop this creative play but Shoot I am not made of money to buy new pants every week.

So my dear very creative sister, Brenda, I take this dilemma to you. I am sure you will have a fantastic solution. Pressures on now.

Help my imaginative child and my wallet.
Joytobe

Bummer

I have woken up this morning with a sad sense of dread, maybe even doom.

I was really looking forward to today. I was planning to pick up Savanah and her BF After school. Her BF usually goes to an after school program cause both parents work. Since her BF's Mom had to go back to work they don't get to spend as much time together. It was all arranged. Savanah was so excited. I was excited for her.

Then.......Savanah let her anger get the best of her. She is now grounded today. BF is not coming over. It's awful. I feel so sad for her. She is crushed. Grounding her was the right thing to do because in her eyes it is the worst punishment I could give to her. Her actions deserved this.

But her anger has gotten completely out of control. Jeff and I are at a loss of what to do. This is the third time she has been grounded this week. My child needs to play outside like she needs blood running through her veins. The outdoors is a huge part of her life.

I have wondered if I did something wrong in parenting. (I don't believe in spanking and never will.) I know I am not always consistent. I am definitely softer on discipline, although I am the one who grounded her this time taking away her special day. Often she has a ungrateful, sassy, bossy angry attitude. She can never be wrong, nothing is ever her fault, she has to have her way. My daughter is kind of being a bully.

Did I create this? Is it to late to change?

I guess if anyone is reading this, these question are rhetorical. Questions I need to ask. and Answer.

A little despondent,
Joytobe

Safe and Sound

Not sure how to write about this. Some scary shit happening today!

Last week Billy school found a message written on a boys bathroom door. Saying the school was going to blow up on March 3rd. (Today)

This morning when the students entered the building they were all searched. Nothing of any concern was found. At around 10:30 a threatening phone call was received at the school. At 11:00 the school was quickly evacuated. Billy ended up at a church across the street.

Oh how I love my child and how well he knows me. Billy sends me the following texts.
7:21 am "Schools Checking bags 2day"
7:24 am "Ther was a bomb threat."
11:02 am ""Evacuatin school but im ok"

He knew I would freak out. I just love that he was thinking of me! A great kid no doubt.

So School was closed and I picked him up at the church across from the school. He is safe and sound and I am saying a thankful prayer.

Billy is acting all tough but I can tell it stressed him out. He's asleep on the couch. I think I'll go watch him sleep.

Grateful
Joytobe

Just Like That.....

And Just like that....(hear my fingers snap?)....plans change.

I am home with my sick daughter. No errands today. We'll roll with the punches. Wednesday will be Errand Day.

No worries she is not super sick. It is that kinda sick, where you second guess several times whether or not she should have gone to school. To be honest if I was still a single parent (the only income maker) she would be at school right now. So she is wanting to snuggle and watch movies. I'll oblige.

If she naps you may see another post from me today. If not then probably not.

Have a cozy day!
Joytobe

Mommy to Mom WTH?

I don't know when it happened. Recently I suppose because I just noticed it yesterday. To tell you the truth I am a little heartbroken about it. I am now Mom. My youngest has stopped calling me Mommy. :(

Why? Why? Why? And dangit WTH (what the heck)..... Why is Daddy still Daddy? Why hasn't he been demoted like me? That is not fair.

It's weird because she still refers to me as Mommy when she is talking to Daddy and other people. But she doesn't call out to me as Mommy. To think I will never hear that sweet little voice, "Mommy". Ouch Stabbing pain in heart!

That is it, no more kids for us. I will never be Mommy again. OUCH again My uterus is contracting with each tick of the clock. I wish my dog could talk. I would always be Mommy to my sweet dog, Cabby.

Sigh,

Joytobe

STS Disclaimer

STS as stated in my last post is Shakin Twitchin Syndrome. Which I described as: "Its symptoms include the twitch I get above my left eye when I want to shake some sense into my children!"

I realized for purposes of legal matters I needed to put a disclaimer out there lest you sue me.
Therefore, I do hereby declare (legal jargon) I , Joytobe, do not condone, practice, participate in or suggest anything to anyone that they should or I should condone, practice, participate in or suggest you or I shake your or my children. Basically I'm saying I don't shake my children. And don't shake your children.

On a much more serious note. It was not until an hour after my post while driving in my car that I thought about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I hope you all know it was not my intention to make light of this tragic abuse of babies.

Why all of this talk of STS?

I lost my daughter yesterday! I know all parents out there have felt the air leave them when they suddenly realize they cannot find their child. It is horrific. Thank God I did find her.

It started out calmly and slowly. You know...poke my head out the door. Don't see her. Okay she plays in the neighbors back yards and she was playing with two other kids. Go back inside. Getting ready to leave for her Karate. Watch the window a little to see if she appears. hmmm. Nope Put my shoes on, go outside, survey the neighborhood. Still no sight of her. Usually if I can't see her and the other kids playing I can hear them. Nope - nothing - totally quiet.

Start calling her name. Several times now. Each time the pitch in my voice getting a little higher and louder. Okay starting to panic a little. Thinking well she could be across the street in the back yard at the edge of the woods and can't hear me. Walk over. Nope. Walk to the end of the street. Nope. Walk through all of the back yards. Nope. Now the heart is racing. Go to the kids house she had been playing with hoping they went inside and she forgot to call me. Nope they are not there. That mom starts looking for them. I hear kids sledding pretty far away. She knows she can't leave our street but what if just maybe. I hop in my car, drive over there. Hoping she is there but I'm going ground her forever if she is. Nope not there. Call all the neighbors, nobody has seen her! As I am looking I'm talking to my husband on my cell phone almost crying. Screaming her name at the edge of the woods for the third time. I am about 1 minute from calling the police.

Then I see way back as far as my eye can see in the woods something moving.

I start yelling and screaming. Lo and behold three kids, including mine, start running towards me.

Now this child has been told to never go into these woods. I mean a three syllable "nuh-e-ver". People have spotted coyote and wolves in the neighborhood with pictures to prove it. A cougar was also spotted in our town with very large paw prints measured by wildlife specialist. There were photos in the newspaper of our neighborhood coyote. I can hear them sometimes at night. I have also heard gunshots in these woods from deer hunters.

She comes out of the woods all excited and flushed telling me about the cool fort they found. I got steam rolling out of my ears. I want to hug and spank her at the same time. (I don't spank by the way, that is just me. Don't want to open up that debate right now. Maybe later.) Come to figure out these kids found a deer hunting stand and climbed up in the tree to check it out. Needless to say she got an earful, two earfuls. I couldn't stop myself from crying and yelling.

After that breathless 20 minutes and the 45 minute lecture, I sat by myself. I couldn't help but think of the parents who don't find their children. I prayed for peace for them. The tears flowed.

As I wiped my eyes, my left eye started twitchin. And it hasn't stopped since.

Joytobe

Okay so on to the son's girlfriend thing.

Where do I start. Well first of all I do like her. She is funny, smart and attractive. He absolutely adores her! I mean really adores her. I can tell. He is nervous, happy and excited. And if it was anyone else's son I would think it was cute or endearing. But he is MY son.

And obviously I am not ready for all of this even if he is. I think I should have prepared myself. But how do you prepare for this?

I am having some weird funky emotions. Like ewe yucky. I am not even sure I can put all of this into words. Maybe I am jealous too. I was his first love after all! They cuddled on the couch a little and oh how my stomach turned. In my mind he is still 8 years old, dressing up as spiderman for the 4th Halloween in a row.

I love having a teenage son. We really connect and talk a lot. We laugh a lot too. He is a great kid. He and I have shared everything in his life up until now. We have worked through the bad stuff and celebrated the good stuff together. Maybe seeing him laugh and talk with her made me feel like I am losing a part of him. There are thoughts and feelings he will share with her and not with me. It is becoming more and more a reality in my mind that he is becoming a man. He will journey out into the world without me. (wiping the tears away) Whew...hard to write.....hard to think about.

So how do I get through this? Any suggestions? And God help me when Savanah, my last baby, travels down this road.

Well I gotta get myself out of this funk. I am going to go bounce.

Dealing with it
Joytobe

Day 4 Sun. Feb 14, 2010 Oh Boy..MY boy and other random thoughts

First Happy Valentines Day! Hope you and your loved ones are enjoying the day.

My Sunday routine does not entail much. I like to lounge. Spend family time. I might throw a load of laundry in. Speaking of laundry. We are having that discussion tomorrow.

When I say my routine doesn't include much on Sunday I guess I should clarify. There are some things I just naturally do everyday. Clean up the kitchen, run the dishwasher, make my bed. Eat Breakfast. So the essentials get done but that is about it. Some Sunday's Jeff and I may do a project. Put down mulch, yard work, put together an air hockey table (ewe that was a bad day.) We read the newspaper together. I always read the obituaries. I know it's weird but I guess it's my way of honoring and acknowledging life. We watch Sunday Morning on TV. Sunday is pretty much the only day I will take a nap. So there you go.

Still right in your journal today!!! And everyday!

Now onto the juicy part of my post. Not sure I should do this but what the heck. My little baby boy is going on a date today with his first real girlfriend. They are going to the movies. Then she is coming back here and we are all eating Valentines Day dinner together. Where has the time gone? My little baby Billy Boy!

My husband and I were discussing vacation time. In these difficult financial times many people are looking at their budget trying to trim it down. We are also doing that. We decided our two short traditional family getaways were not on the chopping block for our budget. We will trim elsewhere. We decided this upon the realization that we only have three years left before Billy goes to college. Those family vacations may change from the four of us to the three of us. These are times I am not willing to give up.

Okay so about bouncing today......I am not sure I can bounce just yet. I had a few beverages last night. I had a good time but I am suffering a little today. You Play, You Pay. So I'll bounce later. Maybe I'll bounce in front of the new girlfriend! Wouldn't that be great?

Answer to trivia from the other day. ( I hope I get better at this). "A time to laugh and a time to weep. A time to mourn and there is a time to dance." What movie is that from? Footloose The only person to know the answer to this question, who actually spoke up, was Dan G. Congrats Oh Danny Boy! Your prize is your sense of accomplishment!

This is my Sunday motto. "Peace is when time doesn't matter as it passes by." -Maria Schell

Well my couch, a blanky, the Olympics on TV are calling my name!

Savor your day
Joytobe