I Love My Husband So Much

I shared my last post with my husband. He encouraged me to n0t give up. He told me I have an interesting way of looking at things. He really seems to like the way I express myself in my writing. He said I have talent.

He also told me that the book I wrote was not a waste of time. I needed to write it as a sort of self help therapy. I suppose he is right. It was painful to write.

Even after he said all of that I was still feeling sad and defeated.

Last night he bestowed on me a gift. This gift came as a challenge. Two challenges actually. First after the beginning of the year he wants me to take a creative writing class. He wants me to learn everything I can about writing.

He then challenged me to write again. Write about something completely different from myself. A character who is NOT me at all. A situation I have never been in before. A setting, a place I have never been. He also asked me to start making LISTS. Can you believe that? I love LISTS!!! This is a man after my own heart! Oh Yeah...he already has my heart. Lists of places that intrigue me. Places I have been and have not been that I would really like to go. Characters I know or have never met that I find interesting and completely opposite of me. Professions that are interesting to me. Special human interest stories that I have heard that moved me. "CHILE MINERS" etc.

Then maybe put all of this on a poster board and start thinking through different possibilities, different combinations. Holy cow, doesn't that all sound like fun!!!

I love him so much because he knows me so well. He knew I needed to move forward. He knew I needed "a plan" and "to plan". He knew I needed a new way to look at things. He knew how I would react to a challenge.

The point to all of this is.....he doesn't want me to give up. And now I don't want to give up.

He believes in me.
Joytobe

I want to thank everyone who read portions of my story. Your feedback and encouragement has meant so much to me. I am not going to throw it out. But I'm putting it away. Maybe I will revisit it in a couple of years when my skill has hopefully improved. Then again maybe not. Maybe the story needs to be written and read once.

A Book and A Dream

I had a dream to write a book. A novel. So I wrote it. Dream accomplished? Yes but there was more to the dream. I wanted the book to be good enough to publish. I wanted it to be published.

Well......

I finished the basics on the book about a month ago. As my brother suggested I then let it sit for a few weeks before I read it again.

So I just read it and....well.....it's not very good. I am sad. Something is missing. I tried really hard. I worked hard. I poured my heart into it. So instead of saying I think I could write a good book someday but I don't have time. Now I took the time, I did give it my best shot and I wrote a not good book.

I don't have "IT". Unless I have it hidden somewhere? and someone can show me what I have done wrong.

Coming to terms with a dream come true and a dream lost.
Joytobe

Wondering? now what?

No post Saturday

Have a beautiful day!

"Every word I say by definition is a promise." -Marlon Brando The Freshmen

The Basement

Okay so we are thinking of fixing up our basement. Not really finishing it exactly but setting it up a little for the kids. Kids meaning little kids and teenagers.

Lately we have been having a lot of Billy's friends over on Friday nights. It is kind of like a party at first them all hanging out, talking, playing the guitar and piano. Then it turns into movie night. Someone rents a movie every Friday. They have a great time. This gives them something to do, keeps them out of trouble and I know where my son is! Sounds like a win win, right?

It is but they take over my family room. I've got no where to hang out and enjoy my Friday night. So we have been looking at couches to put in the basement. We have an extra TV for down there. Thought we could set up the PS3 too. We have a large air hockey table too.

The dilemma I am having is in the basement they are less supervised. Makes me nervous.

What do you think? Struggling with this one. How often can I take a trip down in the basement without being a pain in the butt but keep teen pregnancy rates down!? Just kidding. I think?

Charting New Territory,
Joytobe

Office Day / Flu Shot Day / Random Day

This post is just a collection of junk floating around in my head. You've been warned!

Today is Office Day. I am rededicating myself to this procedure. It really does help keep the paper clutter out of my office and my house. But Holy Crap I have been going at it for 1 hour and 45 minutes. Sheeez. (I like the word Sheeez, almost as much as pppffff) Still not done.

Usually this takes me 30 minutes. Every Thursday to go through the weeks mail. Pay bills and recycle old magazines and such. Do some filing. Well not today. See I told you I am behind in EVERYTHING!

At least no bills were paid late. One, however, was paid ON the due date. Whew, that was close! I hate that.

Soon I will have to go pick up the kiddos for their flu shots. I hate seeing my kids get shots. Once when Billy was younger, they drew blood with a pin prick. He passed out! I gotta tell you though I would rather they take a vial of blood from my arm that prick my finger. Every once in a while with that pin prick they hit some weird nerve and OMG it hurts soooo bad.

Well Back to the grind.

Hopefully tomorrow's post will have a little more substance! Sheez again. Oops I meant pppfff.
Joytobe

A Day Behind

I am officially one day behind. I often type up a post for tomorrow, today. That didn't make sense. What I post today I often wrote yesterday. Yeah still not really making sense.

Well anyways. Look for something interesting (hopefully) from me later today.

I stink! It's a good thing you can't smell through the internet.
Gotta go shower!
Joytobe

Emergency 15 minute Procedure

Beep Beep Beep This not a test!!!!

I am initiating the Emergency 15 Minute Procedure because yesterday Mama had a meltdown.
Those of you who know me from facebook already know this by my status updates yesterday. For those who are not facebook friendly with me, here is what I posted at different intervals during the day.

I am a little overwhelmed.
"Sanity is a cozy lie." -Susan Sontag The perfect quote for my day.
"I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I so deserve." - unknown

So what happened yesterday well...... I damn near had a panic attack. I had the sudden sensation that I had forgotten something important, there was too much to do and I had a strong feeling of impending doom.

Well after some reflection, meditation and medication! I came to a conclusion. I have not been organizing my calendar or my days lately. In fact I had not looked at my calendar for days! What I was feeling was chaos. See Flylady. (I'm not going back to being a Fly gal but I do LOVE some of her ideas and use them often.)

So today instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, (not sure that is an image I should start my day with) I have gone back to a list. I will work on everything on this list for 15 minutes then check it off. You would be amazed at how much you can get done in 15 minutes. I am quite literally wearing my timer today.

It feels good. I feel in control again. You should try it.

Gotta go timer went off!

Breathing Easy Again
Joytobe

Late Post

Look for a late post from me later today!

My Baby Boy Turns 16

My Baby bootie boy turns 16 today. At 5:32 pm. How can that be so?

It doesn't seem possible.

Just yesterday you were in middle school struggling with the awkwardness of adolescence. Finding yourself yet remaining true to yourself.

And the day before that you were in elementary school still playing games. Still innocent. Feeling the magic and wonderment of childhood.

A week ago you were babbling as an inquisitive toddler exploring your boundaries. Always smiling and happy.

And a week and a day ago you were just a babe in my arms. I sat holding you dreaming of all you would become and at the same time wishing I could stop time and keep you in my arms forever.

Through all of this you have kept your positive attitude, your willingness to participate in life and be fully engaged. You have never shied away from the opportunity to laugh at yourself. You have a glow about you. Billy, You shine. Everyone around you sees it. There are those who may be jealous of that. And yet others including myself who just want to watch you soar.


And now you are a young man searching out your way in this world. Oh, you still need me from time to time mostly just to listen. I've bitten off my tongue several times fighting the urge to give my strong opinions. Some days I win that battle and often I do not. Sometimes you and I disagree but I still have great respect for you. I believe you respect me as well.

Watching you feel heartache has been the biggest challenge for me. I can no longer just "Kiss the boo boo and make it better"(your favorite book when you were 1).

But even in the deepest pain you have always handled yourself with dignity and kindness. You are not and have never been careless where others' feelings are concerned. That may be the very thing I am most proud of you for.

You are everything and more that I dreamt of while holding you as that small baby.

I love you!
Mommy

Now get an icepack to bring down the swelling of your head. You are not perfect! lol

Oberg Mountain Trail

The Superior National Forest beholds this ruby.

THE OBERG MOUNTAIN TRAIL

This is an easy hike beginning with an elevation of 1220 feet above sea level and peaking at an elevation of 1539 above sea level. It is a gradual climb. At the summit there are several grand amazing views. It is a loop so eventually you end up where you started. (You can't get lost!) The trail is 2.3 total miles.



Something magical happens when my family enters this trail. It is like they are sprinkled with fairy dust and suddenly become angelic and well behaved!





Even the teenager is caught up in the magic. It is contagious.




Proof is in this picture. Do you see how tightly I am holding Billy around the waist? It is not often you get this opportunity to stand so close to your teenager and them willingly except it!! Truth be told, he was trying to give that casual "I'm a cool teenager, too cool to really smile" smile. So I was tickling him. It worked!

See Savanah's smile. She was more like, "Let go of me! I'm on an adventure!"

See the happy faces. Besides the stranger in the blue shirt. oops sorry lady!

Ahh

AWE they are making a heart with their hands. Isn't that sweet? I swear by the Oberg Magic.

Love it!

The magical dust does eventually wear off. Just about the time we start heading down hill again someone realizes they have to pee. And EVERYONE (except mom) is sick of mom taking pictures. Then it is time to go.

I highly recommend this hike. If you can walk you should go!

Joytobe

That is the last of the vacation pictures. I promise. Well maybe I think so.

No Post Sunday

Have a beautiful day!

"Family is like a pecan pie. Something sweet holding all the nuts together." - unknown

No post Saturday

Love the Day!

"Life: It's all about how you handle Plan B" -unknown

A Room with a View

We have been going up to Lutsen in the fall for 10 years now. We have stayed several places. But Bluefin Bay is by far my favorite. The reason I love Bluefin Bay?


This is the view from my bed. Literally you can see the sheets at the bottom of the picture. How could you not love waking up to that?



Savanah loves the seagulls and feeds them causing quite a commotion.

What are you looking at? I don't have the food. Look for the little girl in the green jacket!

From the back porch. Hello there birdie.

A fight!

Soaring at the balcony. Catching food in mid air.

Oh Yeah the birds love Savanah!



Aaaahhhh waking up to the sound of waves.

The deck again. solitude.

Need I say more?

Joytobe

Wherever 5 or More Are Gathered

I know that this saying implies a biblical theme but this post is not of a biblical nature.

It has everything to do with my personal characteristics. You see I am "high strung". Not to be confused with high maintenance. I am not overly concerned with vanity or material objects. I mean I like to look pretty and I like nice things but..... I am not consumed with them.

I digress.

I am high strung. You see I have an anxious nature. I like children, they can be so darn cute! Funny, sweet, energetic.

However, I have a mental condition which causes me to panic when there are 5 or more children (of any age, teenagers included) in a room, more exaggerated if they are in a room in my house!!

You see...this is how I see it.

When you have two kids in the same room, they are playing nicely, sharing, resolving conflict, enjoying each other's company, etc.

Now add one more to the mix. A total of 3. Still okay. Maybe some power struggles, a little pairing up occurs leaving one child out. By hey it's manageable.

Add another for a total of four. Voices are louder, more kinetic energy, a little more whinny but still possible to control.

Add another with a total of 5 kids, CHAOS REIGNS!

I have seen this in my own home.

Four kids are playing, coloring quietly. It begins. I see the dog sit up suddenly from her peaceful slumber. Her ears are erect. She hears something. I become more alert. The children are still unaware of the lurking danger.

Then a little growl from the dog. She is warning me. Then the dreaded doorbell. I see the children all jump from their seated positions and in a split second become 4 enormous ball of energy and light running towards the door with the barking dog following at as breakneck pace. I run through the kitchen trying to head them off and take care of the mounting problem.

Another child stands eagerly at my door. "Hi, Can Savanah play?" Well I've got four sets of little human eyeballs poking from every direction behind me. I can't say no it is obvious she is already playing.

(Any of you neighbors/parents who may be reading this, please note the following. It is not any one child that I will ever try to exclude. It will rotate on a first come - first serve basis. It is not an issue of who is at the door. It is an issue with how many are already inside.)

I hem and haw trying to come up with something. The light bulb goes off. "You know honey, I was just about to send them outside to play. How about they finish their game, clean up their messes and meet you outside?" This sounds reasonable to me. I hear back a sheepish, "Okay". Then the child (all of them do this) just stands there. This is the true test. Whatever you do don't look them in the eyes at this moment. Oh no I feel bad, so so bad. I failed the test.

And there they are: the cutest sweetest big sad puppy dog eyes just staring at me.

Oh Lordy, I'm a goner. "Okay honey you can come in just for a few minutes, then everybody goes outside." A sweet smile spreads across the child's face.

As that child steps in to my home those happy bright eyes start to glow red. Then I see the most awful frightening transformation occur in all 5 children.

They are transformed or maybe abducted by the body snatchers and replaced with Freddy Kruger Tasmanian Devils. It is what horror movies and my nightmares are made of.

I run towards my bedroom the dog keeping pace at my side. As I dive in and lock the door I hear the evil screeching and laughter just outside my door.

"I'll get you my pretty." I hear.

Huh did they just say pretty? Okay so maybe I am a little vain. Don't fall for that sweetness. They are out to get me. I stay there until my dragon slayer white shinning knight husband returns home to banish the demons!!!! Until tomorrow!

Yeah I told you never let 5 or more children into your home. It makes you delusional and just down right insane!
Joytobe

Okay on a side note: my husband just read this and said "You're a little paranoid." So I want to make it abundantly clear this is a funny rendition not even remotely true except in my imagination! It is fiction mostly! This does not happen in my home. I am not NUTS.

Don't answer the door to the men in white coats!

More from the North

Lutsen Lodge. One of our favorite places to go. We eat breakfast here often. Awesome eggs benedict. Great breakfast buffet.

The inside of Lutsen Lodge. Cozy

After breakfast we go play. This bridge straddles a wonderful creek that brings agates down to the shore. Savanah and I spend hours on this shore rock hunting.

Billy skips rocks. He is the master skipper. That is a lollipop in his mouth!

This is what my honey does!!

Everybody is happy!

Joytobe

I'll put up another set of photos in a day or two. Is this the equivalent of our parent's watching a person's slide show of their vacation? Is it boring? Oh well I don't think so!

Trust

I am having a hard time with trust. Well trusting a teenager. My teenager. Now he has made a few mistakes lately. Nothing life altering but pretty drastic especially for him. I am afraid this is just the beginning of the trouble he is heading towards.

Much of this I fear is happening because of a girl. I want to give this girl a chance but.....she is not making it easy.

Now I know Billy is in charge of his own actions, should be held accountable and suffer the consequences. But I also know he has never felt this way about a girl.

IT SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!

I am noticing a rebellious tone to his voice and more rolling of the eyes. He is carrying around a new angst!

According to him she is constantly saying she is ugly or fat. That he is too good for her. So basically this girl has zero self esteem. She is needing Billy to constantly build her up and tell her how great she is. I know this because I eavesdrop! It is a mother's right, you know? Hey, if you are in ear shot I am going to listen.

The other day they had a...I don't know.......disagreement. She is very dramatic. And well he said to me. "I just want to keep this between her and I."

"WHAT?"

I want to trust him to work this out. I really do. But I don't trust her.

Now I also remember slightly from my teenage years if you push a teenager too much they will do just the opposite of what you want them to do. So you sit quietly and intently, watching every move made ready to intervene at lightening speed before things get out of hand. So If I am patient this relationship may end on its own. ? Right?

Billy, I feel for this girl but truth be told, you are too good for her!

Billy forgive me but I am hoping this relationship ends quickly and painlessly.

The Momma bear on prozac protecting her cub!

Aint No Words Good Enough

There are just no adequate words to explain the Lake Superior north shore in Minnesota in autumn.

So I'll just show you.

I cried.

I cried about five times a day. Not like sobbing but a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes. Happy tears.

The scenery taking my breath away. My family enjoying each other without the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life.

The smell of fallen leaves. The crisp air. The laughter.

I wish I could have bottled up this day, this feeling and bring it home with me. I'll carry these memories with me forever and the memories will sustain me until I return next year.

The word I would use to describe how I feel when I am there is

Peace

Joyful

Joytobe

I'll post more pictures in a few days!

No Post Sunday

Here is a good one.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." --Eleanor Roosevelt

No Post Saturday

Have a great day!

"If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood." --unknown

HIATUS Day 2

Yeah for me!!



"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." -Albert Einstein



"Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day lying in hospitals dying of nothing." - unknown